Nature in the Burbs

Back when I lived in California there was some wildlife that would mix with the suburban sprawl of the various places I lived in.  The City I grew up in had lots of sparrows and black birds but that was it.  I knew there were numerous amounts of deer that would haunt the hills above I-280....you'd sometimes see them on the side of the road....usually they were standing and eating but other times they were smeared across said side of the road....and a Hawk or two would circle overhead playing on the thermals from the Interstate.  One City I lived in had a trail up the street from the apartment building and deer and other critters lived there.  At night, the deer would creep down to my kitty corner neighbor's yard so they could eat his flowers.  Heck Cathy and I saw a dog sized Raccoon duck into a storm drain once.  Then there were the squirrels.  The grey one's were common, but in the last City I lived in there were hoards of the black ones.  Cute little things too.  When I moved to Tennessee the first thing I noticed was Cardinals.  Actual freaking RED birds......like the sports teams mascot, but real!  We don't have Cardinals in California....we have annoying Blue Jays, Canadian Geese (who are a nuisance because they crap EVERYWHERE) and Seagulls who, if you've ever attended school at the Discourser's Site like I did, would ascend on the playground in a scene reminiscent of the Birds at lunch time.   To attract more birds to our yard, we've bought some bird feeders..actually  3 of them came with the house.....we also have a hummingbird feeder and a feeder where you put sticks of food so you can feed Woodpeckers.  We also now have a butterfly house.  I saw a Bat house, but you have to put them so far away from humans that it wouldn't be worth it....hey Bats eat mosquitoes......that's a good thing by me.   Over the years we have had our share of visitors to the yard.  Tons of Finches....the usual brown bodied, black headed ones and a few Golden Finches.  We have a few bird families that come around as well.  We have the Dove couple (brown doves not white), the Robin couple and the Cardinal Family.  The Woodpecker is pretty cool too.  He's got a black body with white spots and a bright red head.   Of course our Diva Kitty Panther thinks it's Kitty Buffet time...although she hasn't figured out that the bell on her collar warns the birds in advance of her coming.  Panther's brother and sister, Cubby and Pandy, also think it's buffet time.   We even have a Falcon that hunts our yard sometimes.  I saw him one morning with a blackbird pinned down, noshing away.  It was damn cool!!  Nature at work right there for all to see.  Heck the Falcon must have a mate or something because the other day two of them were circling the yard looking for food.   Of course we have the other visitors.  Possums have been seen in the yard as well as wild rabbits.  We even had a skunk that was a regular visitor for awhile there.  Our one stray cat Pumpkin found out about Mr. Skunk the hard way......needless to say, Pumpkin was banned from the house for a bit.   

Award Shows

I remember back when I used to watch all the Award shows; Oscars, Emmys, Grammys, etc but then in 1977 when a certain movie that was years ahead of it's time in Special Effects, etc got only an award for effects (you know the one I'm talking about....it was the second film by some guy named Lucas.....something about a Death Star and a Villan named Vader???) and then when the Grammys would ignore your record if it wasn't "Top 40" or if your name wasn't Michael Jackson, it was then I realized that these shows really didn't award things that should have been awarded. Take this year for example. Slumdog Millionaire apparently won Best Picture, but until it had been announced that it was nominated for Best Picture, myself and everyone I know hadn't heard about this movie, but yet it was nominated for Best Picture. Huh??? Heath Ledger won an Acting award, and as the Joker he was brillant. Something tells me though if he hadn't died he wouldn't have won it. Alot of the awards are given as "hey sorry we've snubbed your ass for so long but you are an Icon now and we'd look like real assholes if we didn't give you something". Clint Eastwood got one for "Unforgiven"...it was a good movie, but not his best. When "Return of the King" won for Best Picture I was pleased, but honestly the Academy gave it that because you can only ignore box office performance to a certain extent. Back to my earlier example, Star Wars. I believe Out of Africa or something like that won, yet Star Wars box office was off the chart!! I know I saw it multiple times as did most of my friends at the time (I think my Dad got tired of sitting through it with me) but yet it wasn't considered Best Picture. These award shows are also way too long and have all kinds of useless musical numbers, etc (okay except for the Grammys which is about music, yet then again some of those performances are stupid and lame). Oh, apparently God and Jesus are Agents because most of the acceptance speeches usually have "I'd like to thank God/Jesus because withouth you I wouldn't have won this.." Uhhhhhh, no...don't think so. Neither God nor Jesus had anything to do with you winning. Speaking of the acceptance speeches.....give me a break with some of these....."I'd like to thank blah blah, and blah blah, oh and blah blah....." why not just thank everyone involved by saying "Thanks to all the great cast and crew I worked with.....you helped make this moment". There, simple and sincere. No one gets their panties in a bunch because you forgot them, and no one gets their panties in a bunch because you mentioned so and so first......here is the perfect speech: "Thank you for (insert name of award here). I'd like to thank my Parents for letting me follow my dream of becomming (insert what you did to win this award; ie actor, singer, etc), [this section for actor only] I'd like to thank the cast and crew that I worked with on this project; it's because of your assitance I'm standing here. [for musician only] I'd like to thank my Producer(s) and the production staff and the rest of the gang (fellow band members/session musicians)...I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. [next part is for both] I'd also like to thank the fans out there who, saw the film/watch the TV Show/bought the CD, if you didn't like it, I wouldn't be here." There see? Honest and to the point. Honest because if your parents didn't encourage your creative side then you'd be a cubicle jockey like me. So yeah, they deserve thanks. It takes a great Cast and Crew plus a good script to make a great movie. Hell you can take a lame script and make the movie great as long as Cast and Crew are top notch. The actors are only as good as the director. Look at the new Star Wars movies. Lucas stopped trying, said he'd rather direct in the editing room than waste time and money trying to get the "perfect take". Thus the wooden performances by some great actors in all of those movies. So yeah, they deserve their props. Same with Producers and the production staff when it comes to making a record. Puddle of Mudd is one of those bands that has one deceptive song that is pretty much not what the rest of their album sounds like. Same with Soul Asylum. One song gets over-produced and sounds perfect; eveyone loves it and you buy their album. The rest of the album sounds like a different band took over. Thus Singers/Bands owe alot to their Producers. Movies and Records and TV shows become popular because people watch/buy them. Most of the Authors that I read get this, and are very friendly and considerate of their Fans. Yes Fans can get a bit crazy, but these Authors get it. George R. R. Martin attends a certain Con each year. He usually invited everyone along that wants to come on a Pizza/Pub crawl. Now you might not get to sit by him, and he's sure not buying, but you are invited to join him; and he will usually say "hey" to you. E.E. Knight himself sent me a few PMs on his Ning fan site...basically saying Hi and thanking me for reading his stuff. I was a bit shocked, but pleased. The guy gets it. I think it's easier for Authors to get it because their industry is often in danger of going away. Amazon and others are trying to push digital readers on us, and one day they make catch on, but for now we still like our actual books. Actors get so pampered and spoiled that they treat their fans like crap (not all, but a good lot of them do). This makes me not want to help further your career by seeing your movies. Tom Cruise is one of those that does this. I pretty much refuse to see any movie he's in no matter how good it is, just because he's in it. Him and his crazy Cult Religion and arrogant manner can go die in a corner for all I care. I understand some fans can get out of hand, but there are those of us that just want to shake your hand and say "I love your work..thanks". I remember running into Robin Williams coming out of a sword shop at Ren Faire once. I held out my hand and said "I just want to say it's great to meet you and you have always made me laugh". He shook my hand, said thanks, then said "I have to catch up with my son but thanks again" and left. He took the time at least to acknowledge a fan. Heck Claudia Christian took fencing lessons from us and had a few beers with the gang at the Cardiff Rose at Faire one year. Now that was fun, and she appreciated being treated like a person and not a celebrity. All I have to say is thank God the Oscars weren't on CBS.....I'd be pissed if I had to miss the Amazing Race for that drek.

Blatant Blog Plug and more Folks who can't drive

If you are one of those that believe in the coming Zombie Holocaust, then click on The Warden's Blog on my links list and read away. The Warden will tell you all the best tips on how to Survive the Zombie Holocaust. His years in LE have given him a tactical advantage on the walking dead. Also check out The Discoursers Blog, which usually centers around the crap one has to deal with when one is a Middle School Principal. Check out Supergoober's Blog for his insights into the human mind (he is a Psychiatrist after all) and general other things of interest (cars, sports etc). Also give a peek at NTTs Brain's sketch a day. He's an artist that works at a major video game design company and his sketches are great. For the continuing Advertures of Max the Miracle Baby, check out Lizz's Am I a Funny Girl blog. It's all about being a first time parent and the trials involved with dealing with a premature Baby....whew it was a rough ride but Max seems to be doing well. Also check out the Professors Blog and The Perfect Line's Blog (when they update them). The Professor will give you insight into Politics, Gaming, Geekness, Teaching and life basically. The Perfect Line will give you insight into Cars....racing...and Drums.

Now for the Rant part of our program:

If you buy a muscle car/sports car, drive it like one. Seriously, The Perfect Line and the Super Goober are the only people I know who have Sports Cars that drive them like sports cars!!! Out here Ford Mustangs are very popular, but most of the people that drive them bought them for the fact that they are a Mustang; thats it! I got stuck behind some moron this morning in a new, blue Mustang who drove like this: slooooooowwww FAST...slooooooowwwww FAST....sloooooow FAst.......... Not sure what they Hell they were doing, but I was getting ready to declare Car Wars on this schmuck! Helpful driving hint moron: If you are too busy doing other things in your car instead of DRIVING then pull the Hell over and do what you need to do so you can get to the process of driving. I also don't get the folks out here on the Interstates. At certain times of the morning there is ample room to drive the speed limit; 70 mph. Yet, these Morons have some kind of phobia about driving that speed I feel like I'm the only one moving as I zip around them from lane to lane just so I can drive the legal posted limit!!!! Seriously folks, if the road conditions are perfect, the legal limit is 70...why not drive it? The THP will not give you a ticket for going the speed limit...they will actually ignore you. Oh, and if there are brake lights 15 miles ahead of you and no one in front of you, DON'T SLAM ON THE BRAKES RIGHT NOW!!!! Apparently these dumbasses want to make sure they come to a complete stop before they cover that 15 mile gap. I'd say get those brakes looked at if it takes you that long to stop.....

Karma Sure is a Bitch....

Click on the blog entry title to read the full article on SFGate.com.

It seems that some people actually regret going on Reality Shows....gee you don't say? Of course they do, Attention Whoring only leads to a moments fame then nothing. At least on Survivor or The Amazing Race you can actually win a Million bucks for your Attention Whoring. Anyway, back on topic. This Family in San Francisco was on the lame ass reality show Wife Swap and apparently he claims he was told by the directors to play up the SF, wealthy, Liberal to the hilt. His Wife was swapped with a lady from Missouri and apparently this dude was an absolute douche to this woman. So bad in fact that he and his wife were kicked off of the boards of Non-Profit Orgs they belong to and had potential business partners tell them to take a hike. And now he regrets it......Moron!!! What gets me is folks go on these shows but yet don't get the fact that if you are an ass, it's going into the final edit...seriously. The bigger a douchebag you are, the more TV time you get. But, at what cost? On Survivor last year there was a guy named Randy who was a Wedding Videographer. He was the miserable Old guy who lived alone and didn't care about making personal relationships with anyone. He was a complete Douche and therefore got a lot of airtime. He of course was voted off and didn't win the cash, which is usually inevitable on these shows. Now what I don't get is if you watch this show, you know what happens to "that guy/girl" but yet these dumbasses think they're going to be the exception to the rule.

Just a few more ranting things....

A few more rants about my fellow Tenneesseans and things in general.....

Out here there is a State law that was a reaction to an unfortunate situation that can afferct LEO's at any time (that would be Law Enforcement Officers for those that don't know). It is well known that drunk drivers are drawn to the flashing lights of Police Cruisers that are parked on the side of the freeway like moths are drawn to a flame. Drunk Drivers have been known to take out a Cop and the person they have pulled over before. The accident that caused this law to be passed wasn't a result of a Drunk Driver, but the result of a Semi driver falling asleep at the wheel. So now, because of one overworked truck driver, we have to move over (that's the name of the law the "move over" law) one lane to the left, only if you are in the slow lane, and drive slowly past the Emergency vehicle that is stopped on the side of the freeway. Now it can be any vehicle with flashing lights; fire truck, paramedic, cop, TDOT rescue truck....it doesn't matter. Oh yeah, there's one little caveat that folks forget about this law; if you can't get over safely, then you have to slow down to at least 30 as you pass the Emergency vehicle. So why discuss this you say? Well, I discuss this because my fellow Tenneseeans forget that last part and this "law" causes more issues than it saves lives. The minute someone sees a cop, etc on the side of the freeway it's SLAM on the brakes and jump over a lane as fast as possible. I've seen this behavior almost cause more wrecks. In talking with some of my Trooper friends out here, they agree that it's really not a great law. I see why these guys get killed though. They still approach the stopped vehicle on the Driver's side. In California, the CHP awhile ago started approaching your vehicle from the Passenger Side; basically not having their backs to traffic. They approach from the rear and slowly move from the left rear (driver's side) to the right rear then to the passenger side of the car. This way they can see what you are doing before they come to your window to talk to you. It keeps them from being suprised when someone pulls a gun. Good plan I say.

The other thing about my fellow Tennesseean's that annoy me is the propensity to be NICE!!! Now normally that's okay and a pleasant surprise, but not while driving!! The exit I use to get off of the freeway always has a lot of Semis on it because there is a large TA Truck Stop facility. The amount of semis and people's fear of them out here (you hear all kinds of horror stories about Semis taking people out......well if you didn't come up on the side of them and slow down maybe there'd be no problem. It's called PASSING....this means you speed the Hell up and flash your lights and honk your horn so the driver of said Semi knows you are there....) causes making a simple left turn from a light to be one of the feats of Hercules!! Then there's two other lights you have to get through before you can continue on the road I use to go home. Between the first and the second light is the driveway entrance to the Truck Stop. Folks coming out of it, just like folks coming out of any non-protected driveway DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! This means they have to wait for the cross traffic to be clear. Now, some of my fellow Tennesseans have this overwhelming urge to STOP and let the big, loaded Semi out of the driveway......and no, they usually aren't making a simple right turn and going our way. NOOOOOO they are turning left, across traffic. These NICE folks usually do this when the second light has turned GREEN!! Yes, instead of driving forward and continuing the flow of traffic, they stop and impede it. Well Mr. Semi, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth drives out of the driveway, across both lanes of forward traffic (so you can't even go around the Nice asshole) and then stops....they do this because our light which was green has now changed to red and the traffic coming the other direction's light has changed to green and they are proceeding forward. By the time this traffic has cleared, our light has changed to green and then back to red again by the time Mr. Semi has completed his left turn. So, Mr Nice Folk has now made me and about a dozen or so folks miss the light twice AND has backed up cars down the on ramp onto the freeway. Why? So they could be NICE!!!

The other day I ran into the other "neighborly" type of driver out here....the car to car talker. Oh yes, these morons see their idiotic friends in the car next to them so they both roll down their windows and keep pace with each other talking while driving....meanwhile behind them, is everyone else being slowed down because of these narcissitic assholes who have to have a conversation. Hey pal, why not pull your asses off to the side of the road and let the rest of us FREAKING Drive.....I usually give them the horn, and they give me looks. I proceed to then give them the horn some more and then give them half of a peace sign to emphasize what they and their stupid friend should go do to themselves. Wish I had a carry permit sometimes.....a few warning shots might make them realize they are not the only people using the roadways...

This morning was the one's I hate the most....The Helpers/Nosy Noras. We got up to one intersection, and I notice what looked like a fender bender. Three pick ups were all off the road and there was plastic all over the roadway. The light was green and we proceeded through the intersection when all of a sudden we stopped....for no apparent reason. Well the reason was that Joe Helper in a white pick up in front of everyone decided he was going to save the world today so he stopped......mindless of the fact that there was a loaded semi and about 8 cars behind him going through an intersection at about 45 MPH.......we all slammed on our brakes to avoid causing an even bigger wreck which would have been Joe Helpers fault. Now, did Joe Helper get out of his vehicle and help out? HELL NO! He stopped to ask if everything was okay, then when it was clear that his great assistance wasn't needed he started off on his merry way again. Thanks ASSHOLE....you were such a help. Look folks, if you think you can render assistance to accident victims, that's great but do me one little favor; PULL YOUR FREAKING VEHICLE OFF OF THE DAMN ROAD!!! Actually this is what you should really do; keep driving, dial 911 and report the accident to the local PD/Highway Patrol or whatever authorities. Trust me, unless you are trained to save lives you are only being a hinderance by stopping and trying to help. I knew a guy that got killed because he decided to pull over and help some accident victims. He walked around a large vehicle and right into traffic and was run over. All because he was trying to be the Good Samaritan. This jackass this morning didn't even get out of his truck...nooooooo Mr. Helper just wanted something to brag about at work..."yeah dudes, I was rolling along in my truck and I saw these other trucks all smashed up....I stopped because someone had to do something and when I saw it was all okay I moved on. But man I would've helped if I could." Wow, you're real brave Moron!!! You probably forgot to mention how everyone else behind you had to slam on their brakes and how you almost caused another wreck trying to be a superhero. Look folks, unless you can fly, stop time, run real fast or have super strength, just pull the frak over and call the cops. The PD are trained to handle these kinds of things, and if you say there is an accident, the PD usually show up followed by their good friends Firemen and Paramedics.......these people are trained to deal with accidents. Not you Mr. Helper Construction Worker guy in your white pick up with your Real Tree Camo hat.

It's February....where's the rants?????

Supergoober says he needs a rant....okay one rant....coming up!

It's February, the shortest month of the year, usually the rainiest back home, and it's time to celebrate the following things:

1. George Washington's Birthday......we celebrate the General who won this Country it's independence from overtaxation at the hands of the corrupt British Parliment by doing the following: In elementary school you have some super cheesy plays they make you do, then you cut out cherry trees and silouettes of Washington. You still have to work that day, unless of course you work for the Federal Government or are a Teacher. Department stores have President's Day sales.....because nothing says Happy Birthday George Washington like a blender, costume jewelry or new sheets for your bed. Oh, and you also usually have some cheesy local furniture guy or car dealership owner dressed up as Washington holding an axe near a cherry tree saying stupid shit like "We cannot tell a lie, we're chopping down prices!!!"

2. Abraham Lincoln's Birthday.....we celebrate the President who freed the slaves and had to deal with the South getting all rebellious and bent out of shape because they couldn't oppress Black People anymore (my Southern friends out here love that one.....I often hear bbbbut it's about State's rights.....yeah the right to own Human beings isn't a right.) by doing the following: In elementary school, while some guys are dressed like George Washington and performing some cheesy skit the teacher would usually get the tall kids and put a big construction paper stove-pipe hat on their heads and a fake beard and they'd be Lincoln. You still have to work, unless like I've stated above you work for the Government or are a Teacher. Also as mentioned above, Department stores have a President's Day sale to commemorate this occassion, and the same cheesy local furniture guy/car dealership owner also dresses as Lincoln (when he's not dressed like Washington) saying stupid shit like "Four score and seven years ago, I'll make you a deal..."

Oh by the way, several years ago they decided to combine the two Birthdays into one day and call it President's day. This means the kids only get one day off of school, unlike us old folks who remember getting two days off of school because of the individual birthday celebrations. Ha ha.....

3. Black History (awareness.......that's such a stupid term....Black Awareness Month...c'mon...) Month. We celebrate by doing the following: nothing really.....the network's have little 30 second spots in between shows with a Black Celebrity reading off some fact about a famous Black Person in history, and you get to see snippets of Martin Luther King, Jr's speech but that's about it. I can't even imagine what kind of cheesy crap they do in elementary school as my generation apparently didn't need to take a whole month just to be "aware" of Black People in history.

4. Groundhog Day. Not sure the origins of this stupidness, but apparently their is this magical giant hamster that comes out of the ground and depending on whether or not he sees his own shadow we somehow either get 4 more weeks of winter or not. I think it's bad if he sees his own shadow. So if that is the case, and since I hate winter, I suggest we kill all of the Groundhogs on January 31rst each year and that way their evil shadow magic won't affect our weather. Who's with me??

5. The BIG ONE....the one Holiday that was made violent in the 30's by Al Capone as he chose that day to whack a bunch of rival gangsters.....the one day that is an official conspiracy between the Florist Industry, Restaurant Industry, Greeting Card Industry, Jewerly Industry and KY, Trojan and Victoria's Secret....yep I'm talking about Valentine's Day......you know the day when guys who usually ignore the women in their lives for the other 364 days of the year make up for it by buying extremely overpriced flowers, crap jewelry from Kay or Zales, a cheesy card that says something like "Valentine, when I see you the flowers bloom and the birds sing!!! blah blah blah..." and dinner at their favorite restaurant which miraculously has a "Special Valentine's Menu" with only two choices on it, chicken or beef with the usual sides and drinks for only.....75 dollars a person........all in the hopes of getting laid. Oh, and they usually buy these women lingerie as a gift.....yeah nice gift. Dude you won't go to the store and buy a freaking box of maxi pads for the woman nor will you go shopping with her, but you will go buy filmy underwear for here to wear one night a year. I know what you are thinking....he's sleeping on the couch tonight......nope. Cath and I talked about this before, and we share the same opinion. Her attituded is why do you need one day to show your love for someone, you should show it all the time. I love my wife, I truly do. I hear this year because the economy sucks florists and restaurants are complaining they don't have the sales.....well here's a tidbit for you.....LOWER YOUR DAMN PRICES!!!! Freaking dozen roses is anywhere from 30-150 dollars depending on where you go. For damn flowers that will die in a week or two. I usually buy my Wife a plant, something she can re-plant out in the yard or leave in a pot in the house. I will also buy my Step-Daughter some flowers too......she likes it and she's a good kid.

So there's my rant, and looking at the calendar I see there's two more weeks until March....yay March where we celebrate nothing, well I do since it's both my Parent's birthdays (3 days apart). Since it's an empty month I'd like to propose Italian Awareness Month/Italian History Month. The Networks will run little snippets like "Today in history Frank Sinatra sang his first song" or "Al Capone committed his first crime" or something like that. We can have those furniture/car dealership guys standing on a boat saying "Mama Mia we've crossed the ocean to bring the land of opportunity to you!!!!". We could have Nintendo's Mario and Luigi as the official mascots and run an all day "Soprano's" marathon on A&E combined with every Rat Pack movie and all three Godfather's on AMC.