WTF is that White Stuff????

This is my front yard from a couple of weeks ago.  The white area past the tree in the background is the street that runs outside my front yard......oh wait, what Street!?!?!?!  Exactly.   This looks like an alien landscape to me.  I mean in Cali the only places that ever got snow was way up North in Shasta area and the Tahoe area.   You know in Shasta where they have that cheap property that Eric Estrada pitches.  Some paradise huh?  

Teabaggers: Morons to the extreme.+

The Tea Party movement, or as I sarcastically like to call them "Tea Baggers", started as a way of being frustrated at the Government's treatment of the little man.  It has now evolved into the crazy arm of the right wing repugnican propaganda machine that is still being powered by sour grapes.   Seriously you retards, get the Hell over it.  Your Dude lost.   Look the "Bush Stole the Election" people were annoying after awhile too okay.  Jesus, shut the Hell up already.   Anyway, I digress.  The Tea Baggers held their first National Convention in Nashville recently and they only pulled in about 600 people.   You get about 6,000 at a Star Trek Convention as a comparison.  I guess the Geeks have more conviction than a bunch of mouth breathing whiners.   The Tea Baggers have become Anti-Obama and stopped being Anti Government like they used to be.  What these talking monkies don't realize is that it's their favorite party, the GOP, that is really the issue.  The President hasn't had a chance to do anything yet because the GOP is pitching a fit at every little thing.  Instead of bitching about the health care bill, try coming up with a solution.  The loudest Republican opponents of anything the President does never offer a solution; they just rail and rant because that's their job apparently.   Bob Corker, Tennessee Senator, is useless as a Legislator.   All he does is pull out his GOP Sour Grape scented flash cards and says things like "Tax and Spend Democrat" "Socialist", etc etc.  These jackholes still think there is a free market out there.  I have news for you, there isn't.   The only markets where true competition exists is the goods and services retail markets and the auto markets.   In retail you have your choice: You can buy clothes at the high end Department stores, go to Ross or TJ Maxx and find the same clothes at close-out prices, find similar items with off brand names for a crapload cheaper at Old Navy, Target or WalMart.   These are your choices.  The range of prices goes from 100 dollars to 5 dollars depending on where and what.  That is true competition.  Car dealers are the same.  What you get for equivalent dollars at one place may not be the same speed wise, luxury wise, etc, but it's still a vehicle that gets you from point A to Point B.   Have you shopped for health insurance?  I have, and trust me there is little difference in price whatsoever.   The Health insurance industry has evolved into a money making machine for stockholders; that's it.   The customer has to pay so much more out of pocket it makes one ask "why do I need insurance anyway?"   If I have to pay 5K out of pocket on top of a monthly premium before the Insurance Company pays a dime, then why pay the Insurance Company?  Right?  You have to because the Doctors are all in bed with the Insurance Co's.   If you don't have insurance, Doctors treat you like you have the freaking plague and need to be put down.  No competition, no free market there.  They have you by the short hairs and they know it.  It's like the Oil Companies.  Gas prices fluctuate depending on what City/Area of the World you are in, but within your town, there's not that much difference.  It's an industry that raises and lowers their prices on a whim, and come up with creative and mind blowing reasons as to why.  Not a free market, not even close.  I'd have more respect for the Tea Baggers if they actually were for a better Government, but they aren't.  Hell their Keynote Speaker was Sorehead Palin for Christsakes!!!  C'mon folks, that bitch is a joke.

Children's "Beauty" Pageants or Didn't they learn anything from Jon Bennet Ramsey????

There's a new show on Bravo I believe that's about parents who enroll their small children, we are talking toddlers here, in these kiddie beauty pageants.  Or as I like to call them Pedophile Victim Shopping markets.  Now the only time I watch Bravo is when Top Chef is on; it's a pretty good show.  Other than that, this is the official network of the Attention Whore.  Real Housewives of "insert big city" here.  These stupid wretches wouldn't know housework if it sat on their faces and wiggled.  Please...they should rename it the Real Gold digging bitches that whine and complain all day.   Sorry I don't feel sorry for your plight in this world one bit.  Try living in Haiti right about now....then I'd feel sorry for you.  Back to the main point shall we.....I guess these nimrod parents didn't learn anything from the whole Jon Bennet Ramsey situation.....little children should not be made up to be "sex" symbols.   Oh but Mr. Ranter, Jon Bennet looked so adorable in her little Cowboy Outfit...no, she didn't.  She looked like a miniature Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.....not something someone under 18 needs to look like.   I wish they'd ban these damn things all together.  Ladies look, there's more to life than being a pretty face okay.  Most pageant queens, either Miss Teen, Miss American whatever, all end up nobodies in the end.  Some get lucky and act or get into showbiz in some form or another, but most don't.   They end up having to scramble to find something to fall back on it life, and hopefully they use the scholarship they receive as winners to go get an actual education......something they can use to earn a paycheck for the rest of their lives.....hey I may be wrong and dear commenters please correct me if I am, but it's just not worth it anymore in this day and age.  Women are desperately trying to break the mold and make their own way in the world...I know, still sheesh.....but it's better than it was.  Crap like these shows just make women look like catty, good for only one thing, gold digging, can't exist without a rich husband to care for them no good losers.  Kind of like Paris Hilton or those Kardashian Hos..... ;)  Ladies, Men are still in charge of everything because you let them........trust me you'd be able to take over real easy, and we just might let you because as you know we Men are inherently lazy......

The Best Show on TV....

Remember way back when I was gaga over Heroes?  Yeah not so much anymore.  It lost it's spot as "Best Show on TV" awhile ago.  I still watch it, and this season it's getting better, but it's just not the same.  I think they need to wrap it up soon before it becomes irrelevant.  Hell, the network it's on already is irrelevant.  NBC tried an experiment that has ended up sending them reeling for something to save their asses.  If you don't know, it was when they took Leno off of the Tonight Show and let him have his own variety type hour at 10 pm....the slot normally reserved for more mature dramas just before the nightly news.  It sucked, and frankly it wasn't the time slot....it is all about Leno just not being funny.  Period.  This is the same network that chased off David Letterman...yeah I be they are smacking themselves silly still over that move.  Anyway, back to the point of this entry; namely the Best Show on TV. 

(Drum roll please......)

Burn Notice.   Hands down one of the most fun hours of TV you will enjoy.  Interestingly it's on USA, which is a division of NBC Universal.  I just don't get how the same company can churn out gold on USA, Monk, Burn Notice, White Collar, etc, and crap on it's main Network?  Boggles the mind honestly.  For those that haven't seen Burn Notice, and honestly why haven't you....., it's a show about a former CIA Operative named Michael Westin who was "burned" by his bosses.  This means you don't exist anymore and if they want to they can off you at a moment's notice.  For now the CIA is content to strand Michael in Miami.  He gets by as a kind of Robin Hood who helps folks in need by employing elaborate schemes and uses all his skills as a CIA Spy to get the job done.  He has two partners that help him out, Fiona GlenAnne and Sam Axe.  Fiona is his ex-girlfriend and a former member of the IRA.  Her solution to most things is by shooting or blowing up the problem.   In one episode when they are trying to figure out how to handle something Fiona says "Can't we just shoot them?"  Sam is a former Navy SEAL and now mooches off retired widows with money while wearing pretty much nothing but Hawaiian Shirts and drinking lots of Mojitos.   Sharon Gless, of Cagney and Lacey fame, plays Michael's Mom.....she's the cigarette smoking, hard drinking kind of Mother who still has her Motherly side.   The banter between the characters is well done, and there is genuine chemistry that makes it chuckle producing.   Many a time we have laughed out loud watching the show.  The show employs great little bits that help the humor.  Michael Westin narrates at various points (played by Jeffery Donovan who was the star of a series I liked alot but was cancelled.  It was called Touching Evil.  Look it up, it was a really interesting series.) and the comments he makes are damn funny.  Also present is the use of onscreen labels to point out who's who.  One episode I was just watching the characters were talking about two potential bad guys they were going to mess with in the episode.  Fiona says one is So and So, the annoying little weasel.  The Camera pauses and the characters name appears across the screen and underneath it says "Annoying little weasel".   Or when someone becomes the gang's client it says "Barry.  The Client."   It adds a small touch of humor to a show with plenty of humor and action in it already.  Fiona is played by Gabriella Anwar and Sam is played by Bruce Campbell (one of my favorite B Movie actors ever.....what honestly drove me to watch the show in the first place.)  It's a bit MacGyver, bit Equalizer, bit Rockford Files all combined.  Give it a try, you won't be disappointed.

Welcome to 2010

So I guess Arthur C. Clarke got it wrong...I mean in 2001 there was no black monolith on the moon or a computer named HAL that killed everyone off on the International Space Station.  Heck here it is 2010 and the Planet Jupiter hasn't imploded and become a second sun and we haven't been warned to not touch Titan for some reason.......oh...am I the only that remembers that movie?  Anyway I digress...here is the first Rant of 2010:

Fitness is a big issue for people in the first 3 months of the new year.  Everyone and his Brother seems to make the resolution to "go to the gym and lose X pounds, etc".  They fork out big bucks to join the gym, go until March, then quit come April.  I personally use two programs on the Wii, My Fitness Coach by Ubisoft and Wii Fit Plus.   My Fitness Coach is more like an interactive work out video than it is a "game".  You set up a profile; weight, height, age, etc then the program sets up a program for you...i.e. weight loss, cardio, etc and you pick the amount of time you work out each time it schedules you.  There are 500+ exercizes built in and they change each time.  You can earn different music and workout locations.....well at least where your Personal Trainer Maya works out at....it's a good program.  I pair it with Wii Fit Plus using the Balance Board.  Some good strength exercizes and yoga too.  The "games" they give you to play really work you out, I especially like the rhythm Kung Fu and and the Biking and the Running.  Although we may look into a gym, for now we have our Wii and our bikes (yet it's too damn cold to go out riding at the present time.).

Okay Steve...where's the Rant....I know I know...getting to it....

Because we are a nation of fatasses, and have you noticed that the stuff that's good for you costs an arm and a leg and the crap is cheap...bastards!!!, there is a huge market for "systems" and gadgets that will get you into shape.  Miracle pills, etc that are available all for "5 easy payments of xxx.xx".   Half of it's crap....okay the majority of it is crap.   I remember one of the first ones I saw....Suzanne Somers and her AbMaster....a spring thing you put between your legs and squeeze them together and it was supposed to tone you up.  Okay...sure it does.  From what I've heard, the Total Gym (hey Chuck Norris pushes it.....) and Bowflex are two of the best machines you can buy for your home.   Have you noticed, that when some yahoo puts out a "system" they bill themselves as a "Fitness Celebrity".  Really?  If it wasn't for your stupid ass being on an infomercial constantly no one would know your name.   Remember the video tapes called "Fitness Made Simple"?   They were in the '90s.  It was a series of work out tapes being pitched by "Fitness Celebrity" John Basedow.   Who????  Never heard of your ass before you started pitching tapes.  I guess not much of a celebrity.  Billy Mays, that's a celebrity, Anthony Sullivan that's a celebrity.  You saw those guys walking down the street, you'd know them...well not Billy Mays anymore, RIP Pitchman.....you saw John Basedow walking down the street you wouldn't know it.  Hell if you saw Billy Blanks...you know the Tae Bo "Fitness Celebrity"....you'd probably not recognize him.   There's only one Fitness Celebrity and that's Jack LaLane.  There's this new chick out now hawking this ab swing thing....it looks like a round disc on a stand with handle bars and from a central spot extends two knee rests.  You kneel on this thing, grab the handle bars, and rock your hips from side to side.   The machine comes with the "Ab Rocker System" developed by "Fitness Celebrity" Something Nicole Lee.........again with the title of "Fitness Celebrity"........honestly folks, from what I hear the best exercize is to walk a half hour each day.   And watch what you eat....yeah I know easier said than done...trust me I haven't met food I didn't like.   Remember Daisy Fuentes?   Thankfully that talentless hack we haven't heard from in awhile.   Oh yes, she was a model I think.....I believe she was a beach volleyball champion too, which is great, but when you think that qualifies you to be on MTV....okay, any monkey with half a pulse could have been on MTV.....or to sing/act/be a host of a show.....sorry no.  For some reason ABC decided to add her to "America's Funniest, Cruel, Embarassing, Attention Whoring Moments caught on tape" because I guess Bob Sagget just wasn't cutting it enough.  Yeah, she killed that show, just like adding Carmen Electra to Battlebots pretty much sent that show to the shit heap.  Side note: Battlebots was a show for Geeks.  Yes Geeks like looking at hot chicks, but when said hot chick....Carmen Electra...not so much.....demands more airtime it kills the show.   We wanted to see robots battling robots not "Carmen Electra's Battlebots 101".  Ummmm these are machines built by guys like Grant Imahara of Mythbusters and yet Carmen Electra is going to tell me in a hair tossing, breathless voice how to build one of these things.   Not likely.  This chick couldn't operate a can opener let alone know how to build a robot.  Side note done....now back to your regularly scheduled rant.

Daisy Fuentes...that's where we were.  So after Daisy lost every job she ever had on TV she decided to go into clothing design and pitching something called "Windsor Pilates".   When I first saw that word written before I ever heard it pronounced I thought it was Windsor Pilate....(pilot), you know, Brother of Pontias.......I still wondered what the hell a Windsor Pilate was.......essentially it's stretching and pulsing in those stretches to work out targeted muscle groups.  Windsor apparently is the person who decided to take stretching and call it someting else...Pilates.   I just don't understand.  

How about all those "magic" pills.....you know the Fat Blocker ones.  Or Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem.    Kirstie Alley is a prime example of what happens when you go off of Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem, you end up gaining it all back.   Valerie Bertinelli is managing to stay slim because she exercizes and eats right...she learned the maintenance others don't.  Not saying these systems don't work, but you have to eat their pre-prepared food and you don't learn how to eat out or make it yourself to continue to maintain your weight after you are done with their programs.  Weight Watchers is the best of them I think.  They teach you to eat real food and how much of and what types of food to eat.    The one that scares me is the Alli pill.  A friend's wife started the Alli system.   You take a pill with each meal, up to three a day, and follow their plan and you will lose weight.  Apparently the book that comes with the program is 100 pages long and filled with warnings.  What these pills do is block the body's absorption of a percentage of fat.  The plan says you can only eat so much fat a day based off of what's left after the pill has blocked what it's going to block.  If you eat over that amount, the rest of the fat comes out of your ass as the runs.......yes, this pill punishes you for cheating on "The Program" by making you piss out of your ass.   Nice.   Sounds like what happens when one of the GoG eats dairy.......not mentioning names, he knows who he is.  

More Christmas Buzzkill by concerned Dumbasses.

So a news blurb I heard walking out the door this morning stated and I quote "His belly jiggled like a bowl full of jelly....Is Santa Claus' lifestyle giving the wrong impression to our kids?".....I paused at the door, shook my head, and kept walking to the car.  Not sure who/whom the jackass/jackasses are that prompted this whole line of questioning?  Whomever you are, I have one thing to say to you....."Shut the Fuck Up!!"  Buzzkill, politically correct, assholes just need to shut up right now.   Do you want to know what is giving the wrong impression to our kids?  Their damn sorry excuses for parents, that's who.   If Jr. is fat, it's probably because Mom and Dad are heifers.  If you shove shit down his throat all day you will get an unhealthy child.  Garbage in, garbage out.  Kids don't want to be fat, trust me on this.  Other kids are cruel and will make fun of them and no kid wants that.  Tell Jr...."hey if you don't get off your ass and go out and play you will get fat and the other kids will make fun of you" then Jr. will get off his ass and go play.   Or perhaps be a parent and tell Jr. "I'm sorry, only an hour of video games after school then it's outside for you to play." or get Jr. a Wii and Wii Fit so he has to get up off the couch and be active.  And for God's sake do yourself a favor and eat better crap and give it to Jr so he won't be unhealthy.

Tom Brady: The New Douchebag Champion.

Last time I wrote an entry like this it was to proclaim Kanye West the Douchebag of the Year.  Sorry Kanye, I'm going to let you finish but Tom Brady has that honor at this time.

As the readers of this blog may or may not know I'm a fan of the Oakland Raiders Football Team.  A team that won't ever be good again until Al Davis dies, but I digress.  Back almost a decade or so ago there was a playoff game with the Raiders vs. Patriots where the game was decided in the Pats favor by a questionable call.  Tom Douchey was in the pocket about ready to throw; he pump faked and brought the ball back, as he was bringing the ball back he was hit by a Raider defender and sacked, coughing up the ball which the Raiders recovered.   The turnover was overturned because the Official on the field said it was a forward pass and not a pump fake.  Everyone else, except Pats fans of course, says they saw a tuck and not forward pass.  There's the background of my dislike for Brady....although this is not what makes him the Douchebag of the year.  Oh no.  He has gained that title for his lack of caring about the crotchfruit he keeps spawning with various women.  Okay with two women....that we know about anyway!  So Doucheboy is dating some actress...don't care about the name honestly there's too much of this going around Hollywood lately.  Let's have unprotected sex and spawn!!!  Yay what fun!!!!  Folks have more money than sense.  While she is pregnant with his crotchfruit he dumps her for some Supermodel.....I hate that term.  Honestly I've never seen any of these bimbos in a cape flying through the air saving the day.   Someone needs to save them from being in a Skeletor look alike contest.  Three Words Bimbos: Five Dollar Footlong.   His son Jack is born but never once have you seen Doucheboy acknowledge the lad's existence.  Not once.  The kid is two now, and yet Doucheboy still acts like he doesn't give two shits about the kid.  Apparently Jack's Daddy is a check.  At least a check only disappoints when it bounces.  Now he and Bimbo Barbie have just had a child together.  They had a name picked out, but bimbo didn't like it and she's waiting for Doucheboy to have 2 minutes out of his "busy day" (you throw a damn ball Dude....how freaking busy can you be?  Besides, this isn't a pet it's a Human Freaking Being) to help her nail down another name.  It's been a week now.  Seven fricking days and this asshole's excuse is "Well I'm busy reviewing game tape and preparing for next weeks game...I just don't have time."  I got a name for the kid.  How about "Daddy don't give a shit about me" Brady or "Daddy just can't pull out in time" Brady or perhaps "Let the Nanny name it because she's going to be the one actually raising it" Brady. 

Update:  Yay!!!!! Karma has bitten Mr. Douche in the ass.  The Pats are out of the playoffs.......poor poor Douchey Boy......