There's a new show on Bravo I believe that's about parents who enroll their small children, we are talking toddlers here, in these kiddie beauty pageants. Or as I like to call them Pedophile Victim Shopping markets. Now the only time I watch Bravo is when Top Chef is on; it's a pretty good show. Other than that, this is the official network of the Attention Whore. Real Housewives of "insert big city" here. These stupid wretches wouldn't know housework if it sat on their faces and wiggled. Please...they should rename it the Real Gold digging bitches that whine and complain all day. Sorry I don't feel sorry for your plight in this world one bit. Try living in Haiti right about now....then I'd feel sorry for you. Back to the main point shall we.....I guess these nimrod parents didn't learn anything from the whole Jon Bennet Ramsey situation.....little children should not be made up to be "sex" symbols. Oh but Mr. Ranter, Jon Bennet looked so adorable in her little Cowboy Outfit...no, she didn't. She looked like a miniature Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.....not something someone under 18 needs to look like. I wish they'd ban these damn things all together. Ladies look, there's more to life than being a pretty face okay. Most pageant queens, either Miss Teen, Miss American whatever, all end up nobodies in the end. Some get lucky and act or get into showbiz in some form or another, but most don't. They end up having to scramble to find something to fall back on it life, and hopefully they use the scholarship they receive as winners to go get an actual education......something they can use to earn a paycheck for the rest of their lives.....hey I may be wrong and dear commenters please correct me if I am, but it's just not worth it anymore in this day and age. Women are desperately trying to break the mold and make their own way in the world...I know, still sheesh.....but it's better than it was. Crap like these shows just make women look like catty, good for only one thing, gold digging, can't exist without a rich husband to care for them no good losers. Kind of like Paris Hilton or those Kardashian Hos..... ;) Ladies, Men are still in charge of everything because you let them........trust me you'd be able to take over real easy, and we just might let you because as you know we Men are inherently lazy......
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Best Show on TV....
Remember way back when I was gaga over Heroes? Yeah not so much anymore. It lost it's spot as "Best Show on TV" awhile ago. I still watch it, and this season it's getting better, but it's just not the same. I think they need to wrap it up soon before it becomes irrelevant. Hell, the network it's on already is irrelevant. NBC tried an experiment that has ended up sending them reeling for something to save their asses. If you don't know, it was when they took Leno off of the Tonight Show and let him have his own variety type hour at 10 pm....the slot normally reserved for more mature dramas just before the nightly news. It sucked, and frankly it wasn't the time slot....it is all about Leno just not being funny. Period. This is the same network that chased off David Letterman...yeah I be they are smacking themselves silly still over that move. Anyway, back to the point of this entry; namely the Best Show on TV.
(Drum roll please......)
Burn Notice. Hands down one of the most fun hours of TV you will enjoy. Interestingly it's on USA, which is a division of NBC Universal. I just don't get how the same company can churn out gold on USA, Monk, Burn Notice, White Collar, etc, and crap on it's main Network? Boggles the mind honestly. For those that haven't seen Burn Notice, and honestly why haven't you....., it's a show about a former CIA Operative named Michael Westin who was "burned" by his bosses. This means you don't exist anymore and if they want to they can off you at a moment's notice. For now the CIA is content to strand Michael in Miami. He gets by as a kind of Robin Hood who helps folks in need by employing elaborate schemes and uses all his skills as a CIA Spy to get the job done. He has two partners that help him out, Fiona GlenAnne and Sam Axe. Fiona is his ex-girlfriend and a former member of the IRA. Her solution to most things is by shooting or blowing up the problem. In one episode when they are trying to figure out how to handle something Fiona says "Can't we just shoot them?" Sam is a former Navy SEAL and now mooches off retired widows with money while wearing pretty much nothing but Hawaiian Shirts and drinking lots of Mojitos. Sharon Gless, of Cagney and Lacey fame, plays Michael's Mom.....she's the cigarette smoking, hard drinking kind of Mother who still has her Motherly side. The banter between the characters is well done, and there is genuine chemistry that makes it chuckle producing. Many a time we have laughed out loud watching the show. The show employs great little bits that help the humor. Michael Westin narrates at various points (played by Jeffery Donovan who was the star of a series I liked alot but was cancelled. It was called Touching Evil. Look it up, it was a really interesting series.) and the comments he makes are damn funny. Also present is the use of onscreen labels to point out who's who. One episode I was just watching the characters were talking about two potential bad guys they were going to mess with in the episode. Fiona says one is So and So, the annoying little weasel. The Camera pauses and the characters name appears across the screen and underneath it says "Annoying little weasel". Or when someone becomes the gang's client it says "Barry. The Client." It adds a small touch of humor to a show with plenty of humor and action in it already. Fiona is played by Gabriella Anwar and Sam is played by Bruce Campbell (one of my favorite B Movie actors ever.....what honestly drove me to watch the show in the first place.) It's a bit MacGyver, bit Equalizer, bit Rockford Files all combined. Give it a try, you won't be disappointed.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Welcome to 2010
So I guess Arthur C. Clarke got it wrong...I mean in 2001 there was no black monolith on the moon or a computer named HAL that killed everyone off on the International Space Station. Heck here it is 2010 and the Planet Jupiter hasn't imploded and become a second sun and we haven't been warned to not touch Titan for some reason.......oh...am I the only that remembers that movie? Anyway I digress...here is the first Rant of 2010:
Fitness is a big issue for people in the first 3 months of the new year. Everyone and his Brother seems to make the resolution to "go to the gym and lose X pounds, etc". They fork out big bucks to join the gym, go until March, then quit come April. I personally use two programs on the Wii, My Fitness Coach by Ubisoft and Wii Fit Plus. My Fitness Coach is more like an interactive work out video than it is a "game". You set up a profile; weight, height, age, etc then the program sets up a program for you...i.e. weight loss, cardio, etc and you pick the amount of time you work out each time it schedules you. There are 500+ exercizes built in and they change each time. You can earn different music and workout locations.....well at least where your Personal Trainer Maya works out at....it's a good program. I pair it with Wii Fit Plus using the Balance Board. Some good strength exercizes and yoga too. The "games" they give you to play really work you out, I especially like the rhythm Kung Fu and and the Biking and the Running. Although we may look into a gym, for now we have our Wii and our bikes (yet it's too damn cold to go out riding at the present time.).
Okay Steve...where's the Rant....I know I know...getting to it....
Because we are a nation of fatasses, and have you noticed that the stuff that's good for you costs an arm and a leg and the crap is cheap...bastards!!!, there is a huge market for "systems" and gadgets that will get you into shape. Miracle pills, etc that are available all for "5 easy payments of xxx.xx". Half of it's crap....okay the majority of it is crap. I remember one of the first ones I saw....Suzanne Somers and her AbMaster....a spring thing you put between your legs and squeeze them together and it was supposed to tone you up. Okay...sure it does. From what I've heard, the Total Gym (hey Chuck Norris pushes it.....) and Bowflex are two of the best machines you can buy for your home. Have you noticed, that when some yahoo puts out a "system" they bill themselves as a "Fitness Celebrity". Really? If it wasn't for your stupid ass being on an infomercial constantly no one would know your name. Remember the video tapes called "Fitness Made Simple"? They were in the '90s. It was a series of work out tapes being pitched by "Fitness Celebrity" John Basedow. Who???? Never heard of your ass before you started pitching tapes. I guess not much of a celebrity. Billy Mays, that's a celebrity, Anthony Sullivan that's a celebrity. You saw those guys walking down the street, you'd know them...well not Billy Mays anymore, RIP Pitchman.....you saw John Basedow walking down the street you wouldn't know it. Hell if you saw Billy Blanks...you know the Tae Bo "Fitness Celebrity"....you'd probably not recognize him. There's only one Fitness Celebrity and that's Jack LaLane. There's this new chick out now hawking this ab swing thing....it looks like a round disc on a stand with handle bars and from a central spot extends two knee rests. You kneel on this thing, grab the handle bars, and rock your hips from side to side. The machine comes with the "Ab Rocker System" developed by "Fitness Celebrity" Something Nicole Lee.........again with the title of "Fitness Celebrity"........honestly folks, from what I hear the best exercize is to walk a half hour each day. And watch what you eat....yeah I know easier said than done...trust me I haven't met food I didn't like. Remember Daisy Fuentes? Thankfully that talentless hack we haven't heard from in awhile. Oh yes, she was a model I think.....I believe she was a beach volleyball champion too, which is great, but when you think that qualifies you to be on MTV....okay, any monkey with half a pulse could have been on MTV.....or to sing/act/be a host of a show.....sorry no. For some reason ABC decided to add her to "America's Funniest, Cruel, Embarassing, Attention Whoring Moments caught on tape" because I guess Bob Sagget just wasn't cutting it enough. Yeah, she killed that show, just like adding Carmen Electra to Battlebots pretty much sent that show to the shit heap. Side note: Battlebots was a show for Geeks. Yes Geeks like looking at hot chicks, but when said hot chick....Carmen Electra...not so much.....demands more airtime it kills the show. We wanted to see robots battling robots not "Carmen Electra's Battlebots 101". Ummmm these are machines built by guys like Grant Imahara of Mythbusters and yet Carmen Electra is going to tell me in a hair tossing, breathless voice how to build one of these things. Not likely. This chick couldn't operate a can opener let alone know how to build a robot. Side note done....now back to your regularly scheduled rant.
Daisy Fuentes...that's where we were. So after Daisy lost every job she ever had on TV she decided to go into clothing design and pitching something called "Windsor Pilates". When I first saw that word written before I ever heard it pronounced I thought it was Windsor Pilate....(pilot), you know, Brother of Pontias.......I still wondered what the hell a Windsor Pilate was.......essentially it's stretching and pulsing in those stretches to work out targeted muscle groups. Windsor apparently is the person who decided to take stretching and call it someting else...Pilates. I just don't understand.
How about all those "magic" pills.....you know the Fat Blocker ones. Or Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem. Kirstie Alley is a prime example of what happens when you go off of Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem, you end up gaining it all back. Valerie Bertinelli is managing to stay slim because she exercizes and eats right...she learned the maintenance others don't. Not saying these systems don't work, but you have to eat their pre-prepared food and you don't learn how to eat out or make it yourself to continue to maintain your weight after you are done with their programs. Weight Watchers is the best of them I think. They teach you to eat real food and how much of and what types of food to eat. The one that scares me is the Alli pill. A friend's wife started the Alli system. You take a pill with each meal, up to three a day, and follow their plan and you will lose weight. Apparently the book that comes with the program is 100 pages long and filled with warnings. What these pills do is block the body's absorption of a percentage of fat. The plan says you can only eat so much fat a day based off of what's left after the pill has blocked what it's going to block. If you eat over that amount, the rest of the fat comes out of your ass as the runs.......yes, this pill punishes you for cheating on "The Program" by making you piss out of your ass. Nice. Sounds like what happens when one of the GoG eats dairy.......not mentioning names, he knows who he is.
Fitness is a big issue for people in the first 3 months of the new year. Everyone and his Brother seems to make the resolution to "go to the gym and lose X pounds, etc". They fork out big bucks to join the gym, go until March, then quit come April. I personally use two programs on the Wii, My Fitness Coach by Ubisoft and Wii Fit Plus. My Fitness Coach is more like an interactive work out video than it is a "game". You set up a profile; weight, height, age, etc then the program sets up a program for you...i.e. weight loss, cardio, etc and you pick the amount of time you work out each time it schedules you. There are 500+ exercizes built in and they change each time. You can earn different music and workout locations.....well at least where your Personal Trainer Maya works out at....it's a good program. I pair it with Wii Fit Plus using the Balance Board. Some good strength exercizes and yoga too. The "games" they give you to play really work you out, I especially like the rhythm Kung Fu and and the Biking and the Running. Although we may look into a gym, for now we have our Wii and our bikes (yet it's too damn cold to go out riding at the present time.).
Okay Steve...where's the Rant....I know I know...getting to it....
Because we are a nation of fatasses, and have you noticed that the stuff that's good for you costs an arm and a leg and the crap is cheap...bastards!!!, there is a huge market for "systems" and gadgets that will get you into shape. Miracle pills, etc that are available all for "5 easy payments of xxx.xx". Half of it's crap....okay the majority of it is crap. I remember one of the first ones I saw....Suzanne Somers and her AbMaster....a spring thing you put between your legs and squeeze them together and it was supposed to tone you up. Okay...sure it does. From what I've heard, the Total Gym (hey Chuck Norris pushes it.....) and Bowflex are two of the best machines you can buy for your home. Have you noticed, that when some yahoo puts out a "system" they bill themselves as a "Fitness Celebrity". Really? If it wasn't for your stupid ass being on an infomercial constantly no one would know your name. Remember the video tapes called "Fitness Made Simple"? They were in the '90s. It was a series of work out tapes being pitched by "Fitness Celebrity" John Basedow. Who???? Never heard of your ass before you started pitching tapes. I guess not much of a celebrity. Billy Mays, that's a celebrity, Anthony Sullivan that's a celebrity. You saw those guys walking down the street, you'd know them...well not Billy Mays anymore, RIP Pitchman.....you saw John Basedow walking down the street you wouldn't know it. Hell if you saw Billy Blanks...you know the Tae Bo "Fitness Celebrity"....you'd probably not recognize him. There's only one Fitness Celebrity and that's Jack LaLane. There's this new chick out now hawking this ab swing thing....it looks like a round disc on a stand with handle bars and from a central spot extends two knee rests. You kneel on this thing, grab the handle bars, and rock your hips from side to side. The machine comes with the "Ab Rocker System" developed by "Fitness Celebrity" Something Nicole Lee.........again with the title of "Fitness Celebrity"........honestly folks, from what I hear the best exercize is to walk a half hour each day. And watch what you eat....yeah I know easier said than done...trust me I haven't met food I didn't like. Remember Daisy Fuentes? Thankfully that talentless hack we haven't heard from in awhile. Oh yes, she was a model I think.....I believe she was a beach volleyball champion too, which is great, but when you think that qualifies you to be on MTV....okay, any monkey with half a pulse could have been on MTV.....or to sing/act/be a host of a show.....sorry no. For some reason ABC decided to add her to "America's Funniest, Cruel, Embarassing, Attention Whoring Moments caught on tape" because I guess Bob Sagget just wasn't cutting it enough. Yeah, she killed that show, just like adding Carmen Electra to Battlebots pretty much sent that show to the shit heap. Side note: Battlebots was a show for Geeks. Yes Geeks like looking at hot chicks, but when said hot chick....Carmen Electra...not so much.....demands more airtime it kills the show. We wanted to see robots battling robots not "Carmen Electra's Battlebots 101". Ummmm these are machines built by guys like Grant Imahara of Mythbusters and yet Carmen Electra is going to tell me in a hair tossing, breathless voice how to build one of these things. Not likely. This chick couldn't operate a can opener let alone know how to build a robot. Side note done....now back to your regularly scheduled rant.
Daisy Fuentes...that's where we were. So after Daisy lost every job she ever had on TV she decided to go into clothing design and pitching something called "Windsor Pilates". When I first saw that word written before I ever heard it pronounced I thought it was Windsor Pilate....(pilot), you know, Brother of Pontias.......I still wondered what the hell a Windsor Pilate was.......essentially it's stretching and pulsing in those stretches to work out targeted muscle groups. Windsor apparently is the person who decided to take stretching and call it someting else...Pilates. I just don't understand.
How about all those "magic" pills.....you know the Fat Blocker ones. Or Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem. Kirstie Alley is a prime example of what happens when you go off of Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem, you end up gaining it all back. Valerie Bertinelli is managing to stay slim because she exercizes and eats right...she learned the maintenance others don't. Not saying these systems don't work, but you have to eat their pre-prepared food and you don't learn how to eat out or make it yourself to continue to maintain your weight after you are done with their programs. Weight Watchers is the best of them I think. They teach you to eat real food and how much of and what types of food to eat. The one that scares me is the Alli pill. A friend's wife started the Alli system. You take a pill with each meal, up to three a day, and follow their plan and you will lose weight. Apparently the book that comes with the program is 100 pages long and filled with warnings. What these pills do is block the body's absorption of a percentage of fat. The plan says you can only eat so much fat a day based off of what's left after the pill has blocked what it's going to block. If you eat over that amount, the rest of the fat comes out of your ass as the runs.......yes, this pill punishes you for cheating on "The Program" by making you piss out of your ass. Nice. Sounds like what happens when one of the GoG eats dairy.......not mentioning names, he knows who he is.
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