Coach Walsh has Left the Building

http://thediscourser.blogspot.com/2007/07/death-of-genius.html

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/07/31/SP8IR9U1P2.DTL

Click on the links for a tribute by the Discourser; A HUGE Niners fan and an article about Coach Walsh from those that knew him at the SF Chronicle.

You don't have to be a Niner fan (Lord knows I'm not) to appreciate what Walsh gave to Football. The West Coast Offense has been used by so many coaches and teams since it's inception almost 25 years ago by a guy named Bill Walsh. He's the man who made Joe Montana one of the best.

My Grandson the Golfer and Dead Boyfriends

As my "about me" says I'm a Nanu to 1. That's Italian for Grandpa. His name is Jay and he's going to be 4 years old in September. As is the right of every Grandparent in the world, Cathy and I always try and bring Jay a "surprise" when we come visit him. A car, puzzle, etc...just something to make him feel good. Hey my Grandparents always slipped me cash so it's an Italian thing. We've discovered that he has a crapload of indoor toys, but not many outdoor toys. We got him a kid size golf club set. It has three clubs in a vinyl bag with 3 golf balls and tees and a plastic hole. The club shafts are even metal....very nice. He loved it. We played golf for hours yesterday and now we have to take him to Putt-putt golf one day...probably this Saturday. He's also been dying to go fishing since we gave him his Mom's kid size Snoopy pole (we are talking almost 20 years old here...Amanda is going to be 23).

As for the Dead Boyfriends......this is reference to something the Discourser blogged about. His Daughter, Ding has a new boyfriend.....of course she was reluctant to tell the Discourser because his responses to boyfriends is similar to mine: I'll kill him. I usually tell Liv I'm going to have to shoot him. I say that often when she brings up boys, for example: "John is soo hot..." My reply "I'm going to have to shoot him." Liv has gotten to the point where she tells me "Steve you can't shoot him" before I even say I will. As long as the consequences are clear these boys and I will have no problems. Treat her right, or get shot.

Red State Part II: It Ain't all Bad

As opinionate and cranky as I come across sometimes regarding this State I've adopted, I must say that there are good things out here as well. The wildlife is amazing. Deer everywhere (not new for anyone that has lived in the Bay Area...Heck we used to watch two deer eat my across the street neighbors flowers at night in San Carlos of all places), Turkey Vultures (again not new we have those back home)...wild Turkeys(it's very funny to be driving to work and see Wild Turkeys just strolling on the sides of the road). The birds are amazing!!! Besides Blue Jays (they are a different breed out here than back home) and tons of little Finches we have Cardinals. No Cardinals back home, and seeing these little guys up close is impressive. The scarlet feathers are really a sight to see. Insect life is abundunt. Tennessee is very humid so insects thrive here. The variety of spiders I've seen is astounding. big ones, small ones....very brightly colored ones. Cicadas (sp) too. These are beetle like critters that sit in trees and talk to each other via a sound that is like those "rain sticks" they sell. You know the aboriginal instrument. And of course we can't forget Fireflys. How cool are these things. Definitely don't have these back home. There are scientific institutes that will pay you per Firefly you capture and bring to them. I think they are studying there bio-chemical lights and seeing if it can be reproduced or something. Turtles too. The lake I fish in is filled with them. Take those little pet store turtles we used to buy, and let them actually live longer than a few months and that's what you've got swimming around in the Lake. The Southern sterotype of Southern Hospitality is mostly true. Lots of friendly folks out here. Yes there are a good lot of Rednecks...but there are lots of folks with class, and manners. There are some Arts here as well. In Nashville you have the Frist Museum of the Arts. Yes, that Frist....Senator Frist....Mr. hard core, right winger but he owns an Art Museum. There is also the Parathenon, complete with a large statue of Athena. That's upstairs, the downstairs is an Art Gallery. Very cool indeed. As opposed to back home, I can afford a house out here. In a suburb that reminds me a lot of San Mateo or Belmont. Airsoft our here is cheap....it's free to play....how much cheaper can you get?? There is plenty of land to play on as well. The field I play on is 33 Acres with 30 of it playable. Nice!

Figured I'd balance the scales a bit....nothing like Karmic Equality to keep one out of Fate's sites.

Ciao for Now.

Driving 101: An Open Letter to the Drivers of Middle Tennesee

I would like to draft an open letter to my fellow Middle Tennesseeans on a disturbing trend I've noticed since I moved here: your lack of anything remotely resembling driving skills.

Dear Mid-Tens:

I understand that you are not from a freeway culture like I am. In my world if you weren't going at least the speed limit when entering onto a freeway, you didn't get on at all. If you didn't close the gap or at least drive the posted maximum speed limit, bad vibes and gestures would be thrown your way (sometimes bullets and rocks, but I digress). So here are a few helpful driving tips from the Pros (compared to you folks, I'm a pro driver. Although compared to the Perfect Line and the Supergoober I'm an amateur.)

Tip#1 Think of a freeway on-ramp (I should probably say Interstate because you will understand what I'm talking about better if I do.) as a take off ramp. Remember Evel Kenievel? If he didn't hit a certain speed while going up that first ramp, he would never have cleared as many vehicles as he has. Notice he always messed up the landing but not the approach. Use the Interstate on-ramps in this manner. Get on the ramp, and proceed to get your car up to the speed limit. Don't do the following: Drive 35 mph onto the Interstate, then slowly (painfully slow) speed up to 55. The limit is 70, if you can, you should drive it. I will be behind you and I am driving it. Please don't make me have to slam on my brakes because you can't depress your accelerator pedal faster than you do. If you get on to the Interstate ahead of me, don't slow down because you are freaked out that I may run you off of the road (trust me I've been tempted, but that's not safe). Speed the Hell up!!!!! Capish? Speed the Hell up!!!!

Tip#2 If you can safely let someone who wants/needs to change lanes over do so. It's courteous and alleviates Road Rage. Do not, and this bears repeating, DO NOT STOP YOUR VEHICLE TO THE POINT YOU ARE ALMOST AT A STAND STILL JUST TO BE FREAKING COURTEOUS!!!!!! Did you understand that? The only time you should be hitting your brakes on an Interstate is if everyone else in front of you is coming to a complete halt. God is not going to think better of you because you caused an 11 car pile up just to let someone change lanes in front of you.

Tip#3 CLOSE THE GAP!!!! If there is a space between your front end and the back end of the car ahead of you the size of the State of California and you aren't even remotely near the speed limit; MOVE YOUR ASS!!!!! Close the gap Baby!! Nature abhors a vacuum, as do I. You may not close the gap by going the speed limit, but at least you have room to safely go the limit without having to tailgate someone to do it.

Tip#4 Firetrucks, State Troopers, Ambulances, Tow Trucks do not need your help. Nor should you slow down just to stare at what they are doing. This used to happen back home alot too. A damn CHP Officer would have someone pulled over giving them a ticket and everyone else slowed down. I will say this loudly so you can hear: AN OFFICER OF THE LAW THAT HAS SOMEONE PULLED OVER AND IS OUT OF HIS/HER VEHICLE GIVING A TICKET TO THAT PERSON IS NOT GOING TO SUDDENLY JUMP IN THEIR VEHICLE AND CHASE YOU DOWN. Simple. It ain't happening. Look at it like a free ride to speed a bit. Mr. THP Officer is giving someone else a ticket and besides being concentrated on that he is concentrating on not being run over by another vehicle. Don't cause another accident looking at the one that is in front of you.

Tip#5 If every single car on the Interstate is creeping along bumper to bumper, riding my ass isn't going to make them go faster. It's just going to piss me off. If I had a gun you'd have a bullet in the eye. And look ahead please??? If you are coming up to a line of stopped cars with their brake lights on, don't come barrelling in and slamming on your brakes at the last minute coming within inches of an intimate encounter with my rear end. I'm not gay, and I don't like people riding my ass. Unless you are my underwear stay off my ass. Got it? Speeding up and slamming on your brakes in bumper to bumper traffic is not going to get you to your destination any faster than braking at a reasonable time. Honestly what you could possibly do is cause an accident, then you aren't going to reach your destination at all.

Tip#6 If you are driving a Semi, you are not driving a normal vehicle. Stop treating it like it is one. You Truck Drivers drive your Semi's like they are passenger vehicles out here. You should not be: tailgating me, then speeding up and passing barely missing my front end as you get in front of me all so you can slow down because a hill is coming up. Thanks dickhead.....now I have to slow down for your ponderous ass. You are also not supposed to tailgate other trucks and do the same thing to them. You schmucks drive these things like they are sports cars. I blame Reagan for this. Ever since he deregulated the Trucking industry, every loser with a pulse is being "trained" to drive a Semi.

Tip#7 If you are an Illegal and driving without a drivers license, don't drive slower than the speed limit. You aren't fooling anyone. You drive that slow so the cops don't pay attention to you. WRONG!!!! A 80-90's model Toyota Celica packed with Latinos going 50 down the Interstate is like a Neon Sign saying "Hey officer look, a carful of Illegal Immigrants!!!"

So there you go Middle Tennesseeans, some helpful hints to help you along the way. Remember, Mid Ten may not be a Freeway Culture, but it's becoming one.

I leave you with this closing statement:

"Get your heads out of your asses and learn to freaking drive!!!"

Thank you,

The Ranter

Blogging Away on the Thin Ice of Modern Life

Gratuitous Jethro Tull reference. Now that Cat has passed her Real Estate License exam she will be hopefully working for an Agent in town. We now need to shop for Hi Tech stuff for her so she will be able to keep up with the Jones' Agent wise. After talking with folks at the AT&T Store and Best Buy, we came away with more questions than answers. It's getting to the point in this world of ours that people will just tell you what you want to hear because they want that commission. Answer my damn questions please. That's all I ask. If you answer them honestly and correctly and help me understand what I want to understand I will give you the sale. Thank God I have a crapload of friends who are High Tech knowledgeable. Our question was about Laptops and WiFi. I've always hated when someone coins a bit of jargon and every other word out of everyone's mouth is that term. Honestly, half the people have no fricken clue what they are talking about, but it's viral marketing and the folks making money off of it love it. I used to be up on tech...but lately I just don't care to be. I've never needed a laptop, nor looked into them. Cat will need one as she will need instant access to MLS listings to assist her clients in buying and selling their houses. In the past I've asked questions of my friends regarding the high tech items I am clueless about and have always gotten great feedback. Especially from the Perfect Line. Perfect Line used to be in the IT biz (he's currently in LA-LA land trying to get back into said biz...good luck Man.) and from past experience I know he loves to talk about it. He likes his hi-tech gadgets. I asked him about wireless modems, hot spots, etc. As predicted, I got a very enthusiastic response back via email, full of loads of extremely useful information. Thanks PL...it helped alot.

Barry Bonds

Click on the title of this post to go to a great editorial on the whole Bonds scandal.

Well it appears that after reading the linked article, Jose Canseco and I agree on something. That's odd as I'm not a big fan of Canseco. Canseco and the guys that wrote the book "BALCO: Book of Shadows" are what I like to call "Negative Noras". They like to suck the fun out of everything and put misery and moral judgements into something that is just fun and relaxing. These are the same twits that post screen shots of the latest Harry Potter book or boldly and loudly blab the ending all over the world. No one seems to just want to believe in the myth, the fantasy anymore. It's kind of like George Lucas basically telling us that The Force was just a high concentration of microscopic bacteria. Thanks George, way to be a buzzkill pal. What good ol' Jose and I agree on is this simple fact: steroids does not make your eye hand coordination better. Simple. It takes training and agility to be able to hit a baseball like Bonds does. Look at all of the other players that allegedly took steroids. Did Canseco hit as many homers as Bonds? Did Canseco every hit the ball as good as Bonds does period? Hell no. Maguire? Close, but not as techical of a hitter as Bonds. Magure=slugger. Bonds=surgeon. The whole hating of Barry gets me too. The media and the naysayers act like he's the only athlete in the history of sports to use steroids. Tell me that's not a true statement. It's always this way though whenever some modern day athlete goes to shatter some ancient record that has been around forever. Guess what folks; it's the 21rst Century.....shits a lot different and a lot more advanced than in the 70's (thank God for that!!!). Barry does deserve some of the hatred thrown his way; I'll concede that point. He's basically an arrogant ass. He's a freaking primadona and as a player he stopped trying out in the outfield 6 years ago. So yeah, he deserves the criticism that gets thrown his way. Basically he's lazy and doesn't feel he needs to do anything but hit the damn ball anymore. I personally think the use of steroids is stupid, but in a sense it's our fault. We the fans want more and more from our sports heroes. They have to be mutants or Superman and we won't accept any less from them. Lot's of pressure. Although in a sense we do deserve to be that demanding. It costs an arm and a leg to go to a baseball game nowadays. (not as much as a football game, but pretty damn bad nonetheless). 8 dollar beer, 5 dollar soda, hotdogs for 3 bucks......15 dollars to sit in the bleachers.....the fricking bleachers folks!!!! The program costs 20 bucks or more.....Hell I remember when they were like 5 bucks and we always got one because there was a score sheet in the back where you could score the game. That was my generations version of an interactive experience. Now, they don't sell. We've always known that major league sports are a business, but that was always background stuff. When you used to go to the game it was just about Baseball. Now it's about Corporate Sponsors and naming rights and distracting crap like that. The fading of the Fantasy.....the fading of the mythology. Bonds is Bonds. Love him or hate him, he will either break the record and be hated for all eternity, or he will fall short and be forced to retire and be hated for all eternity. No matter what you do, a piece of crap is a piece of crap. It still stinks no matter what. Might as well go out with a bang Barry and just do what you normally do. Toot your own horn.

The Red State

(Update for yesterday's Infomercial blog.....the Double Action Colon Cleanse one was on again this morning....I stirred and heard the sounds of the Dweeb getting all excited about crapping....Man needs a life.)

The Red State, aka Tennessee, is where I relocated to after meeting my wondeful Wife Cathy on these here interweb things. We had the "pleasure" of being graced by the prescence of His Royal Moroness King George the Shrub yesterday. Wow!!! Ever notice he doesn't go where "real" people are? That's because he'd get crap thrown at him and several people flipping him off. I didn't think about, but every so often I shout "kill the president" into my cell phone when talking on it, just to see if the Homeland Gestapo is listening. They probably were yesterday. I find it strange that the majority of the people that live in this State are Middle Class, but yet they tend to vote for Conservative Republicans. Why? Do you actually think Conservative Republicans care about the Middle Class? They vote for these folks for their "High, Christian Morals...." Christian is a big deal out here. A real big deal. Still not used to the amount of Religion that permeates everyday life out here, and I don't think I will. That's okay, I don't care if folks think I'm blasphemous. I'm Italian; remember I've told you before we invented Heaven.....all Italians have a free pass. I do find it strange that when a Young Single Man who is running for office has attended a SuperBowl party sponsored by Playboy Magazine he is seen as the Devil incarnate. He's SINGLE.....what part of that is so bad. He also happened to be a member of the highly Political Ford Family from Memphis.......he started with a major handicap from the get go. So who did this state choose to represent us in Congress? A White, Conservative Republican who has done nothing. Way to go Tennessee.....the rest of the Country has pass you up again. It's like a bizarre time flux or something permeates parts of this State. There are still dry counties in Tennessee. I'm sorry, Prohibition was over 80+ years ago....time to catch up. This is why we don't have Trader Joe's out here. Supermarkets have bizarre rules on the types of alcohol they can sell. Kroger can sell Beer, but they can't sell wine, vodka, scotch etc. A liquor store is the only place you can buy wine, etc. But, a liquor store can only sell liquor. No Porn, cigarettes, etc. Liquor. These are really ancient purtianical laws that no one has bothered to abolish. Lynchburg, Tennessee where Jack Daniels is distilled is in a dry county. You can make it there apparently, but you can't drink it. But you can cross the county line to the next county and buy it and then bring it home. Did they really think making a county dry was going to keep folks from drinking? Morons. These things make no sense to me. I see billboards sponsored by churches saying "Real men don't use Porn. Real men love Jesus." Really Reverend? Ya think so? Like you never looked at a porn mag Rev when you were a pubesent boy. I also love how these Preachers are quick to teach love and understanding and how abortions are murder, but would be the first ones to cast the first stone if the laws allowed stoning Gay people. Hypocrite is the term that best fits here. "Real Men Love Jesus".....a strong statement filled with Man Love conotations. You're making Jesus sound Gay there Rev. Just saying. This State also has a tendency to forget the past. Lots of folks love to have that Good Ol' Confederate Flag plastered on everything. They say it's because they are "Rebels" or it's a "Southern Heritage Thing". Excuse me? I didn't realize that being on the losing side of a Civil Uprising against the legitimate Government was something to be proud of. Wow!! Let's have a parade!!! Hooray for us!! A bunch of farmers tried to take on the US Army and lost!!!! Woo hoo! Or should I say Yee Haw!!! Sorry folks, the Civil war came about because of a disagreement about a State's rights being overidden by the Federal Government's rights. In other words, the rest of the Country was freeing their slaves because President Lincoln (just he alone, there was no grouchy Beaver or Deep Sea Diver) signed an Constitutional Amendment saying to. The South said they "needed their slaves and should be allowed to do what they wanted to do." Really? Let's examine the name of our Country shall we. United States of America. United: Everyone joined in alliance behind a single idea or concept. Together, not separate. States: Individual sections of the Country. The idea of our Country was that we Unite as States, not colonies, so that we could better Govern ourselves and throw off the oppression of the corrupt British Parliment. Man was it corrupt back then. Apparently the Southern States had a tantrum because the majority of the Country felt that owning another human being and living under the concept of "All men are created equal" was a bit on the hypocritical side....oh yeah and it was just plain WRONG!!!! So let's examine this Southern Heritage. A bunch of rich landowners who were too damn cheap to hire someone to work for them decided to by a bunch of dark skinned "savages" and beat and harrass them into working long, hard hours because that's all they were good for. Oh yeah, and these "savages" were lower than dirt and like animals, but it was okay for the Rich, Fat, White landowner to go have sex with the females. Guess the sheep were good at running away. Yet in spite of all the proof that the Confederate Flag is almost as bad as the Nazi Flag, all these "cool" Southerners lie to themselves that it's not a "race" thing.....it's a "rebel" thing. Whatever. Rebel my ass. There is a nursery, a rather large one I might add, that Cath and I will not give any business too because this Moron flies not only the American Flag and the Tennessee State Flag but the Confederate Flag as well. Huh???? Makes no sense. The American Flag was the flag of the hated "Yankees" when your "Southern Freedom Fighters" were flying the Confederate Flag. Backwards Hick!!!! I'm all for preserving History, good and bad, because it should help us to learn what not to do ever again. But this is going beyond that. It's offensive to me. When you fly that flag you are telling me that it is okay to be a Racist. It's okay to treat people like sub-humans because of their skin color. Do you think Black people like that flag? Don't you think that's a bit offensive to them? It's like flying a Nazi flag in front of a Jew. Hell it's like flying a Nazi flag in front of most people. It's appaling. Folks tend to forget things out here. Fred Thompson (they guy that plays the DA on Law and Order) is a Tennesseean running for President. I hear lots of murmurs abouth how great he'd be, but yet folks forget he was kicked out of the Senate because of allegations of corruption. Yet you think this man would make a great President. Why? I personally would love to see Giulianni get in. A Catholic, Italian in the White House. That'd shake some shit up wouldn't it???? The Unions would be really strong again I bet. Maybe that's a bad thing.....sorry Dad....either Rudy or Barack.....not Hillary!!! Please no!!! She couldn't do it (and it's not because she's a woman....she's not qualified and she had her 8 years already....). Just think though.....Bill as the First Man.....no that wouldn't go to his head or anything. I do miss Bubba. It's my Blue State exposure that leads me to question the motives of the average Tenneessean. Historically Democrats have always fought on the side of the Average Joe and the Republicans on the side of Joe Corporation. So why again does Tenneesse tend to vote Republican?? Makes no sense to me. Oh I know....it's the perceived God thing. Yeah like a person's Faith qualifies them to be a good leader......

Although there is hope for The Red State: The local news channel did an online poll to see how folks felt about Shrub being here yesterday. The results? Almost half of Tenneesseans that took the poll voted for "Didn't Care". Now that's the sign of a true Lame Duck President if I've ever seen one.

Quick One: Languages Part Deux

I just had to put this one here because my Co-Worker (the one who pointed out the safety manual statement about not having to do CPR on a decapitated person) and I got a huge laugh out of it. I just bought a pack of Carefree Sugar Free Bubble gum from the vending machine. On the label was the following statement:

Original Bubble Gum
Sugar Free
Not for weight control.


What?????? You mean I'm not going to lose weight if I chew this gum???? Dammit!!!! I'm suing.... Honestly; was that necessary? Is there a human being out there who thinks that gum is sugar free so you won't get fat?????? Gum is sugar free so you don't get cavities!!!!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

One of the things I had to get used to when I married Cath was she likes to have the TV on when she sleeps. It's background noise to her and a comfort. I guess all of those years being a Single Mom she needed something comforting to her. It's an old habit, and I'm used to it now. Lately when it gets time for the alarm to go off I start rising up out of the depths of sleep to semi-conciousness (yes I usually sleep well....no run ins with Beavers, Abraham Lincoln or Deep Sea Divers.....) and the droning background of the TV starts to invade my thoughts. Late night/early morning TV is freaking weird!!! Remember when we were kids (by We I mean folks my age or close to it) and late night TV meant some old Black and White movie that was drudged up out of the vaults, then about 3AM or so the test pattern came on (kind of looked like the Pride Flag....all rainbowy......I digress) and the broadcast day was ended. Heck they even had a little recording come on saying "NBC now ends it's broadcast day. See you tomorrow." Then somewhere in the 90's someone decided to themselves "Hey Self.....why not buy that airtime from the networks and broadcast basically a 30-1 hour commercial. We will disguise it as some talk show type thing, pick some "host" that looks generic enough and pitch crap to people." The Networks, and can you truly blame them, decided this was a good idea. Why not sell the airtime. They weren't using it and it was extra revenue for doing nothing. Thus the Infomercial was born. Now I've seen a few (they now permeate Sunday Morning and Saturday Afternoon TV) and my favorites by far are from one of my personal Heroes; Ron Popeil. The God of Selling useless crap to people for decades finally found his niche. C'mon.....who didn't know someone that actually owned a Popeil Pocket Fisherman? I used to have one of his Pasta Machines. Ron's Da Man......and actually his Showtime Rotisserie grill is pretty awesome. My Folks have one and they love it. Remember the Ronco (he changed the Company name later on) Record Vacuum? Or the inflatable bumper you hung from the ceiling in two car garages so one car wouldn't bump the door of the other car getting out? Da Man I say. There are also some weird ones....which usually seem weirder because they are invading my semi-concious mind at about 4:30 AM....an hour and 15 minutes before my alarm goes off. There's the guy who sells his Double Action Colon Cleanse. Huh????? Yep.....this guy (who looks like some college Dweeb with slicked back hair and a very lame Goatee) sits at a desk like it's a talk show and goes on for a half hour-45 minutes to this Woman and another Guy about how great it feels to "cleanse your Colon". The Warden often jokes about this.....he once took something called ColonBlow....the label reads (and I shit you not....Pun intended) you must be able to be inactive afterwards for 36 hours. He said it was like draino. I think he crapped out his small intestines or something and it wiped him out. This infomercial for this intestine draino stuff is hysterical. Here is some guy trying to sell you and me (for 2 easy payments of 5.95....but wait there's more!!) something that will make you crap like an elephant. Dude I'm so regular you can set your watch to me....why the hell am I going to pay you to help me crap???? That's what a good novel or a crossword puzzle is for. This morning was particularly strange. Apparently the US Postal Service (yep the folks who deliver your mail) has an Informercial. It's got snappy music and they speak all excitedly about all the services you can get on USPS.com...... Is this what they use the money for when they raise the price of stamps???? A bloody Infomercial????? Sometimes the do the old trick of cranking the volume a bit....these get annoying and I actually have to find the remote and change the channel.....the Girls Gone Wild Infomercials are like that....or as I like to call it "Stupid Drunken Sluts Doing Crap they will be ashamed of and Guilty about for the rest of their lives." Yes I've seen one of these videos. The Perfect Line has one, and they are akin to Softcore Porn.......but these Bimbos do it for free drinks and maybe 50 bucks. Wow.....makes Mommy and Daddy proud that they sent you off to College to make something of yourself and here are your ta-ta's preserved on DVD forever. Morons.....I'd kill Liv if she did something like that. I love to tease Cath when I see these things (no not the Girls Gone Wild ones) by saying "Honey...We need that! Look we can make Guacamole in 15 seconds!!!!" Ever see that one? This couple apparently has this big Party at their house....must have been a rager too because everyone comes down to the kitchen all rumpled and hung over. There's even some grumpy old lady with a scarf and curlers and a cigarette stuck in the corner of her mouth (I'm not sure why this character was at the party.....maybe they are Swingers who just don't care....). Now for some reason the pitch men for alot of these shows are Aussies. Not sure if it's the accent or what, but alot of them are Aussies. It's kind of like seeing more of the Geico Gecko than you really want to. So this Aussie and his American Wife are speaking highly of this device called the Magic Bullet......yeah basically it's some kind of chopper/blender thing. It's odd actually, all these "has been" actors and actresses or people like Daisy Fuentes who never should have been famous to begin with are all pitching some crap. Like the first time I saw the Daisy Fuentes "Windsor Pilates" Infomercial. WTF is a Pilate??? Isn't that the Roman guy who washed his hands and sealed his fate and sentenced Christ to be crucified??? You know Pontius Pilate??? Well no...apparently it is a form of exercise that is basically....are you ready for this....STRETCHING!!!! You know, the thing runners do so they don't cramp up. The thing Martial Artists do to become flexible.....same with Fencers......stretching.....as in stretching out the muscles (which breaks them down slightly and then the physical activity you do after builds them back up). So apparently someone decided to take Stretching to a whole new plateau and call it Pilates (pronounced Pee-La-teys....which I guess if you drink enough Late's you will Pee Late's.......sorry that was bad wasn't it?). The one's I used to love were the Eric Estrada one's where he was pitching some vacation property in BFE.....you could buy like an Acre for 190 bucks a month or 3K right off the top....something like that then build on it. Yeah they were in the most remote Northern parts of California......I remember driving through there with my Buddy Brian once.....there was a City (and I hesitate to call it that but it was a City) with a population of 200. We saw nothing but houses on hills and I think I counted about 200 of them. So yeah....real cheap land because there is nothing around!!! Groceries are probably about 20 miles away as is everything else you need. Liv says she loves the Country, but really if she thought about it......there is no Claires in the Country. There's no Kroger, Old Navy, etc in the Country. There is just Nature.......and that's it. Oh, and of course let's not forget the 1-800-Ima-SCAM preachers. I got out of the shower this morning and passed by the TV and there was this preacher dude and his wife or whatever holding hands and pointing their other hands at the screen saying a "prayer and sending the Lord's blessing" through the TV and into the lives of some poor hapless Moron who sent them a letter asking for a prayer....they probably sent 100 bucks too. "Reach deep into your hearts and your wallets and take Jesus' hand...." Uhhh huh.....I think the last time I saw something come through the TV was in the movie "Poltergeist" and it wasn't Holy nor did it have anything to do with Heaven. Of course, no discussion of Infomercials can be complete without mentioning "Dione Warwick and her Psychic Friends Network" or "Madame Cleo" with her very fake (obviously fake) Jamacian Accent. "Ya Man...let Madame Cleo read da Tarot fo you.....I can see da future..." Yeah if I smoke enough Ganja I'd see the future too.....and the Lord and the Devil and many other things I'm sure. The saddest was Dione Warwick. Great Soul Singer from the 70's....the driving force behind the "That's what friends are for" all-star sing a long for Aids....diminshed to pitching some pay per call Psychic Friends Network....."Your Psychic Friend is standing by....just 2.00 for the first 20 minutes then .50 a minute after....." I've got some Psycho friends I can call for free, I don't need to pay some stranger 100s of dollars to blow Sunshine up my ass...... "Oh yes....I see a good job in your future....and money and romance......." Yeah....right....all things that may happen even without some fortune telling hack pointing them out to you. Side note: Ever see a Palm Reader/Psychic with a "Going out of Business" sign on their shop. Don't you think they'd have known that was coming?? Obviously not a real Psychic..... Anyway thank God for Adult Swim....at least you can watch Innuyasha or some strange Anime in the weird hours of the AM.....beats someone discussing crapping......

Geekness Abounds

If you've been reading the Supergoober's blog and are puzzled by the statements "I used all of my levels to Push my Strength" then you are not a true Geek.  I've had a few Geek moments myself in my posts and The Discourser has gone into great lengths about the varying types of Geeks to be found at the GGoG.  Geekness is fun.  Try it, you will like it.  I remember the Perfect Line telling me a story of when he and the Supergoober (before the SG had gotten married) were at a club and witnessing a guy trying to score with a hot chick only to get shut down.  SG whispered to the Perfect Line "I guess he fumbled his Charisma roll".   Moments like that speak to the true Geek in all of us.  We are all, to certain extents, Geeks.  When folks get into a hobby or sport, they become very obsessed with it to start with.  Learning all they can, be it from instructional DVDs to books and audio CDs, they try to become experts.  This is being a Geek. The average Joe Business Dude who takes Golf lessons from a Golf Pro and speaks "Golf" fluently.  He's a Golf Geek.  He may not look at himself as such, but he is.  Am I wrong?  Think about it.  This guy watches Golf on TV probably.  Goes to Golf Expos, visits Pro Shops all the time.  Is he any different than the GoG going to a Gaming convention and gaming???  The only differences is the social acceptability of his Geekness.  Yet, he is a Geek just the same.  Take the Woman who is very into Fashion.  She knows the hot Designers, what to where when and what not to where anywhere.   She speaks "Fashion" fluently.   She's a Fashion Geek.  It's all perspective.  My Father-in-Law is a Ford Geek.  He loves working on cars and really loves when they are Fords.  He speaks "Ford" fluently.  I consider my Wife to be a Scrapbook Geek.  She speaks it fluently.  She knows all the products, techniques, etc and where to find them.  She frequents Scrapbooking Forums online so she can compare notes with other Scrapbook Geeks.  See, being a Geek isn't so bad, once you realize that we are all Geeks in one way or another.  Some of us are just better able to pass for "normal".

Mystical San Francisco: A Photo Blog by Frederic Larson

If you get a chance, got to www.sfgate.com and look for the link called "Mystical San Francisco".  It's a Photo Blog by award winning Photojournalist Frederic Larson who has worked for the San Francisco Chronicle for years.  Awesome photographs.

Blogging for Blogging's Sake....

This weekend I passed up my monthly airsoft game (played two great games last month and just wanted to rest one weekend) to stick around the house and do some work.  Our flower beds are looking like a jungle (started weeding part....not much though), I needed to get a new weed wacker (the old one the line just feeds right back in....real effective there....) and we finally figured a place to put our hammock that Cath got from her work for a real great price (it's a true hammock in the fact that it doesn't have cross bars to make it flat...it's literally all canvas held up by ropes.....it's meant to be portable with hanging hardware and a carrying bag).  So, needless to say (I'm saying it anyway...) I had some stuff to do around the house.  Off to Lowe's after Cath went to work to pick up supplies.  2 8 foot 4x4's, a bag of cement, a new weed wacker and some oil for the mower.  Settled on the Black and Decker Grasshog for 49 bucks.  Not a bad little weed wacker.  It's electric and has auto line feed so no more bumping the damn thing to get line to fee out.  It's real easy to change too.  You can either reuse the spool, or buy already spooled line.....much better than the other.  Got home and proceeded to start digging a post hole for one of the 4x4's.   Tennessee ground is hard as Hell!!!!  Hard, baked clay......I'm sore in the shoulders and hands from digging that damn hole.  Got part of the way down then realized Cath would be calling soon so I could meet her for lunch.  A very rare occasion when she works long enough to get a lunch and I'm home.  It's only a half hour lunch and by the time she goes somewhere, waits and gets her order it's scarf it down as fast as you can and get back to the store.  Needless to say it was easier for me to run get lunch for us both and meet her.  Which I did.  Got some real nice salads from Chik-fil-a (pronounced chik fillet.....don't ask me I used to pronounce it like it's spelled....chik fil a....).  They were quite tasty and we got to sit and enjoy our lunch and chat.  Went home and finished that hammock stand then earned the right to collapse in it and chill.   Sunday saw Cath working 8 hours again so I had me some coffee then busted out the new weed wacker and trimmed up the jungle that is the area of the once and future pond....I was going to dig on it but the hands were still sore from that damn post hole digger (note to self....buy a breaker bar....it will make post holes in that nasty dirt go quicker).....then started to weed around the heat pump.  I got half of it done.....just too tired (my REC must be like 5 or something and I think I really Pushed my strength on Saturday....no END left.....Warning: if you don't understand this it's because you aren't a Gamer....) so I showered up and chilled in the hammock reading while waiting on Cath to call so we can do lunch again. 

Movie Review

Wednesday we saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the neighborhood Multiplex. Wow!!! What a great movie. I like when a movie series builds up slowly and reaches a point where they aren't relying on wowing you with certain things anymore. This was less about Hogwart's and more in depth about the characters than previous movies. The series is starting to get darker now that Voldemort is amongst the living (if you can call him living) and out to get everyone. Certain parts make you start coming up with theories about Voldemort and Harry.....I suggested Voldermort was Harry's Father (Luke I am your Father)......but a friend shot holes in that one. I still say they are related somehow......anyone else have any good theories?

Great Story of Nature meets Surburbia

http://supergoober.blogspot.com/2007/07/neighborhood-duck.html

Read the SuperGoober's latest post entitled "Neighborhood Duck" with picture goodness....it's a great little tale.

Silly Monkeys

We are a bunch of Silly Monkeys. Going back over my post about "The Secret" I read some more on the nutjobs that are behind this whole phenomenon and it just makes me shake my head. One of these loons claims to channel Abraham.....not Lincoln but the Abraham...you know the Biblical one. Okay......sure you do. Why do we let ourselves get lured in by this crap? Has our lives become so jaded that any little distraction is exciting??? It's like the flocks of folks that belive in Faith Healers. "Oh Reverend Scam-a-lot touched that man on the head and he could see again!!" No he didn't. Okay, he may have touched him on the head, but the man wasn't blind to begin with. It's called a schill. All the people that get "healed" on those shows or in that church on Sunday all are paid to pretend they have an illness. I remember a comment made by a 17 year old kid on our Airsoft boards about how he saw a man's eye being regrown. Sure you did. The guy probably came up to the altar with an eyepatch claiming his eye was gone. Reverend Dewy Cheatum touched the guy's head then removed the patch and "lo and behold" his eye had grown back. No. The eye was there all the time....just covered with a patch and you were stupid enough to believe what you were told. We need to learn to question things folks. All these guys and gals on late night TV who "want to share their secret of financial success with you" are full of it. Want to know the secret of their financial success? Making an infomercial and selling "the secret of their financial success". These people have no need to share with you. Look at Donald Trump. Does he sell "Trumps Secrets of how to Get Rich"? Hell no! He wrote a book telling you how he struck it big but that applied to him and him only. Does Larry Ellison of Oracle tell you how to make money? No. Steve Jobs of Apple? Again no. Do you see any "Secret of my Success" books or tapes by Bill Gates???? No. These are the people that one should learn success from. Not Carlton Sheets (what the Hell kind of name is that???) or some wet behind the ears 20-something kid who's rich parents gave him all the operating capital he could get his hands on. We see all these celebrities and want to be like them so we look for the easy way out. There is no easy way out. Porus Horton does not have a good life. If you think she does, you have no idea what true loneliness looks like. That's the loneliest person I've ever seen. Sure she parties and is surrounded by people all the time, but that's an act. The partying is to numb her to the reality that she is a useless waste of oxygen. She produces nothing nor does she give back anything. Her "friends" are fair weather and only hang around so they can mooch free crap and bask in her spotlight. I know a couple that having loads of money changed. They started off middle class and worked their way up. I like that....that's how it should be. Work hard and get the pay off, you appreciate it more. The problem is, they let it change them. They are show offs. If it's new and high tech, they've got it whether they need it or not. Their kids are spoiled animals that screw up majorly but are rewarded with every little thing their hearts desire....and they don't have to work for it. This couple has no friends; they used to, but their constant bragging and showing off just made folks not want to associate with them anymore. But their rich you may say. So what. What did that money get them? Isolation. Loneliness. These folks are successful financially, but a failure when it comes to being human beings. I will quote a Business Management teacher of mine from long ago....Greed is good, just don't let it cloud your judgement. Think about it. Greed has always been associated with the negative aspects of life. Ambition is just Greed with a positive spin on it. Trump is Ambitious.....but he's also Greedy. He's lonely too, although not as much. See riches alienates people. The one's that want to get close to you only want to do so because you are the easy coat tail to ride on. The Perfect Line is a good example of someone with means who hasn't let it cloud his judgement. From everything I've seen of the Perfect Line he's not a lonely man. He has lots of friends, genuine friends and he's always been a prudent shopper. This man can pay top dollar for something, but will scour the net, the stores, do as much research as possible until he finds the "right" price. Always have been impressed with the deals he's gotten. See, money should be a tool or a means to an end, not the end all and be all of your life. Silly Monkeys indeed.

Hey all....

It's been a few days since the last installment.......hey what can I say, I've been busy.  Okay, no I haven't, but Cathy has.  She's been busting butt on studying for her Real Estate License test she plans to take on Thursday.  She's been pushing hard and I'm proud of her for it.  This past weekend I promised her I'd get out of her hair so she could study so I popped over to Percy Priest Lake to do a bit of fishing.  It's nice having a major State Park with a huge lake a 15 minute drive from the house.  Unfortunately there is only back pack camping there and only on one 5.5 mile trail.  There isn't any pull your car up type of camping.  A shame really....it would be nice to do a bit of camping before summer is done.  Ah well, there is always Cedars of Lebanon (Tennessee not the country) State Park where there is camping.  The fishing was okay, I'm still exploring other places to fish at in this park.  I caught a turtle on Saturday....tried to get him out of the water but had to cut the line.....he will live, they are tough.  Apparently the pink, sparkly Power Bait is a favorites of box turtles.  These are the same turtles we used to get as kids, remember?  My buddy Jaime still has his and he's a good size.  This guy was fairly large.  Must have been the same one that was investigating Cat's bobber when we went fishing on Father's Day.  Stoopid turtle......Power Bait is for fish.  I may have to do some research and bring some kind of turtle cuisine and put it somewhere away from my fishing line so this doesn't happen again.    Sunday was the same thing, except I didn't catch a turtle....I caught squat.  It's a great lake though and a real pretty park.  Besides, the true Art of Fishing is in the process of Fishing itself.....not the catching.  Fishing to me is very Zen.  I brought some cigars up with me and my travel mug full of coffee.  Set up my chair, cast out my line....then sat and smoked and sipped coffee....all in the fresh air of the great outdoors.   Nice!!!  I plan to make a habit out of this.  Cathy likes to fish too.  I'm a lucky man!!

 

We got our tickets for "the Order of the Phoenix" already and plan on being there Wednesday night at 7:45 to see the darker side of the Harry Potter universe.  Apparently all the books starting with Order of the Phoenix on are really dark.  Still wanting to see Transformers........damn it looks good.....

Language

I have some amount of pity for immigrants to this fine Country of ours when trying to learn the English Language. It's hard to keep it all straight for us that speak it fluently!!!! For example: Two, Too and To. Why three ways???? There, Their and They're.....again huh???? We come up with alot of made up words too. Deplane...which is the action of getting off of an aircraft. When you get on the aircraft they call it boarding......not planeing.....so why is it deplaneing?? Shouldn't it be unboarding or simply exiting, or how about getting off? It's like all the legalize that makes a legal document so bloody hard to read...it's wasteful and useless. What got me on this subject is that one of my co-workers, knowing I love examples of stupid language, pointed out something from our Safety/Emergency preparedness (there's another one of those made up words) manual. According to this manual, there is a list of circumstances when you don't have to do CPR. One of them is if the person has become Decapitated. I will let that sink in for a minute. So you don't have to do CPR to somebody who has had their head cut off. Really?????? You don't say??? I thought you did a tag team kind of CPR in that situation. Someone pushes up and down on the heart while someone else breathes into the mouth of the head.... Honestly was this a necessary statement to put in writing. Is there someone out there who is stupid enough to think that a headless body needs CPR and that said CPR will revive the headless body???? If there is such a person; he/she needs to be castrated so they don't breed and pass along their stupidity. Oh and another situation on the list when you don't need to do CPR is if Rigor Mortis has set in. Let that one sit there in your brain for a sec. So if the body has been dead long enough for it to stiffen up then CPR is going to do no good whatsoever. Unless you are Jesus Christ or have his ability to raise the dead; CPR ain't working on a stiff. Of course if you want to put your lips on a corpse, that's something completely different and it's illegal. Again I ask....was this language necessary?? It's like the coffee urns: Caution: Contains Hot Liquids......no shit!!! I hope so. It's a coffee urn and there better be some damn hot coffee in there.

You can buy what where?????

As the Discourser eluded to in his last post, here in Tennessee (the Red State as he calls it) you can buy any kind of firework imaginable.  Now when I was a kid growing up in SB, the only legal fireworks you can purchase were sparklers, snakes, fountain cones, piccolo petes, smoke stacks....that kind of thing.  Even the ground flowers were okay.  Firecrackers, bottle rockets, M-80's, roman candles, launch tubes.....these were all illegal and the only way to get a hold of any was to know somebody who knew somebody in Chinatown and could get them.   It was legal for certain businesses and organizations to import them in Chinatown because they were used for "cultural" purposes.  Partially true because a common scene in the Chinese New Year parade is strings of firecrackers dangling from poles popping....the sound drives off Evil Furies.  My boy Kevin bought a bunch of stuff as did Liv and Kevin set them off into my In-Laws field.  He had mortar launchers and bottle rockets that had the rounded body and nose cone with a stick like you see in every Bugs Bunny cartoon.....reminded me of that scene in Fellowship of the Ring when Gandalf had the wagon full of fireworks.  I would have gotten in lots of trouble had I grew up in Tennessee.........oh yeah....

Book Reviews

So a bit ago I discussed an Author named Jim Butcher, the creator of the series "The Dresden Files" which is also a TV show on Sci Fi.  Having read all of the books in print in paperback so far, I must say this series is awesome.  Mix "Buffy", "Angel", "X-Files" and Phillip Marlowe; blend thoroughly and you've got the world of Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, Chicago's only Wizard listed in the yellow pages.  Written in the first person narrative the story really flows.  Jim Butcher is also writing a Fantasy series called "The Codex Alera" about a world where everyone can commune with elemental spirits and make them do their bidding; everyone that is except for Tavi (the main character) who has shown that you don't need elemental spirits, or Furies, to survive.  Told in the usual narrative style they are slower paced but interesting novels.   The new series I just picked up is by Simon R. Green.  He wrote a series my Buddy Darren and I read a bit ago called "The Deathstalker Series" that was kind of a Space Opera type series.  It had some interesting characters though the series ended quite lamely in my opinion.  Simon R. Green has written a new series called "Tales from the Nightside" about a parallel world that exists in London where it is always 3 AM and nightmares quite literally roam the streets.  The main character is John Taylor a PI with the gift of being able to find anything.  He has a psychic "third eye" that he "opens" so he can see through anything.  He has friends with names like Shotgun Suzie (an tough chick with a shotgun who leaves destruction in her wake), and Razor Eddie, Punk God of the Blade (an assassin who cannot die....).  The enigmatic "Authorities" run things and one of their representatives is named Walker.  He dresses like and Old West Gentlemen complete with Bowler hat.  Very cool series indeed.   The second book has a great wrap up that you may see coming but it's still worth the payoff.

Independence Day

Tomorrow is July 4th, Independance Day here in the US. This is the day when a group of brave Men gathered in secrecy to sign their name to a document that, if they had been discovered signing, would have gotten them all hanged. It's a shame really, our Country was started by brave Men like this. Men who weren't afraid to tell those in charge to "Piss Off!!". Men who were tired of their Civil Liberties being stripped away from them. Being taxed to death by MP's in England who, knowing that Colonists had no say in Parlimentary procedure, decided to pass the tax burden off of their constituents and on to the Colonists of the US. Nice huh? Too bad we don't act like that now. These men went to War, risked everything to be free of tyranny...okay to be free of outrageous taxes. If King George hadn't been insane, things may have been different, but it was during that period of time that the power of the Monarchy in England became symbolic more than real. Much like it is today. So as you watch the "Rockets Red Glare and the Bombs bursting in air" tomorrow night, pause and take time to think about what exactly we are celebrating. Then think about the current Administration and how George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin and all the other Founding Fathers are probably rolling in their graves with the loose way we have been interpreting their document for years...

Happy 4th!!!

The Kitten has a new home

One of my co-workers took the kitten today. It was indeed sad as Liv after one day of meeting him became very attached. She is a very brave Young Lady though and knew he couldn't stay. My co-worker and his wife have a 5 year old son and he and Socks hit it off right away. I wager they will be constant companions for years to come.