Monday, January 21, 2008

A Few Recent Observations

Actually these are things I've noticed before but haven't ranted about in awhile/yet.  First off is Hollywood and it's need for odd camera work to compensate for a weak story or crappy acting.   Something being shot from "a different POV" does not a good movie/TV show make.  Take "The Blair Witch Project" for instance.  Lot's of hype, and they had some folks believing it was an actual tape found in the wilderness.  I saw it on video and I must say it was the lamest movie I've ever seen.  I love how so many people were "oh it's soooo scary".  It was??  It was lame.  Shot with a handheld camera with herky jerky images......just lame.  Which leads me to the newest "handheld" camera movie; Cloverfield.  Mike on the Bad Karma Airsoft forums asked (I summarize) "When you see a Monster movie do you root for the monster as he destroys the Town or do you worry about the people on the ground and the poor soldiers fighting the Monster?"  Me, I loved watching Godzilla vs. (insert Monster(s) name(s) here) as they trashed Tokyo over and over again.  I could care less about the poor soldiers or people getting crushed.  If you are like me, then Cloverfield isn't for you.  It's (as Mike put it) a Love Story interrupted  by a Monster.  Meh.  It's filmed as a handheld cam because it's supposed to be some guy's video camera footage.  It would be okay if you saw the Monster, but apparently all you see are glimpses, a portion of leg, etc.  That worked in Alien because of the suspense being built up before you saw flashes of the Alien take someone out.  It really worked because you were rewarded with a full glimpse of the Alien at the end of the movie.  If you are going to start the tease.....at least finish with a good result.   Speaking of lame camera work..... there was a show on USA a long time ago called G vs E about Angels and Devils battling it out in the modern world.  I watched the first episode, but because the camera work was so herky and jerky and more akin to a music video than a show, I just couldn't stomach watching it again.  Seriously, the damn thing was getting me motion sick watching it.  I'm that way with a poorly coded first person shooter game.  If the turning movements of the character aren't smooth at all, I can't play much of it for very long.  This show had potential, but the quick zoom in zoom out weird angles, etc just made it unwatchable.   I'm not sure what someone is trying to prove with this "cool and cutting edge" camera work......whatever it is...STOP!!!  The camera is supposed to record the event/story etc, not be part of it!!  I've seen a ridiculous trend in commercials that annoys the Hell out of me lately.  This side angle shot....ever see this?  If you are trying to sell me something, have the spokesperson look at the camera (ie ME) and film them that way.  Don't film the person giving their pitch from the side where it looks like they are talking to someone else.  If they aren't supposed to be trying to sell me something (because if they aren't look at me and talking then they are talking to someone else) then get the damn commercial off of my TV.  The TD Ameritrade ads do this as well as this new Bally fitness ad.  Oh BTW, Bally, the women you show looking in the mirror depressed at their looks....don't need your service.  I hate this ad because it's helping to perpetuate Skeletor women everywhere.  They show a woman who isn't fat, and is in good shape but she looks depressed....then you hear a voice over "Ready for a new your???" NO! She shouldn't have to be ready because there's nothing wrong with her now!!  She looks healthy.  You want to make her a skeleton???  They seriously need to show fat people on these ads....like me......we are the one's that need it.   Oh wait, some fat person's advocacy would probably sue.....I forget we live in the "no responsibility for one's actions" society.   I do like it when directors have the actors break down the 4th wall (the audience).  I loved those scenes in Ferris Bueller's Day Off when he talked to the screen.  That's not a camera trick but a directing trick.  The only camera trick that works is when actors are talking in a different language with subtitles, then the camera zooms in slowly towards one of the characters mouths, then as it zooms back out the character is talking in English.  Red October did this as has many other films.  It's a visual cue that tells the audience "yes the character is still speaking another language, but we are in his head now and can understand it in English".  It's a subtle trick and you accept it.  Although I must say the best use of first person handheld style was in Children of Men when the battle is starting and the cameraman is running along with Clive Owen and someone gets hit and blood splatters and it hits the lens.   The whole movie was filmed normally up to that point and that little bit of camera trickery was just for that one scene.  In that case it was just enough to relay a sense of you being in the battle.  
 
What is our fascination with High Maintenance, stuck up bitches?  Seriously......WTF????  We have Porus Whoreton, then this Kadashian chick.....??? Who??? yeah I had to Google it.  She's the daughter of one of OJ's Dream Team of Lawyers.   Why is she famous?  A video of her having sex found it's way on the net....... I'm sorry, so apparently being a Porn Star is now enough to vault you to stardom.   So I guess all the legitimate Porn Stars must be doing something wrong.....oh yeah...they don't have famous Parents/Family to allegedly be embarrassed by their little Snowflake having sex for the world to see.  If my Step-Daughter did that and was under 18....the next video the world would see would be me shooting the guy and then grounding her for life........ The latest Bimbo waste of time is this Kimora chick.  Apparently she has a line of clothes/shoes called Baby Phat????  Yeah if this craps so good, then why are they selling her shoes in Ross???  It's some of the most gaudiest crap I've seen.   I see glimpses of her show or commercials for it and basically she's a whiny, prissy nothing's is good enough for her, pain in the ass bitch who makes dealing with her a freaking chore.  God I hate people like that!!!  A former friend of mine was like that.  I'd call him on it alot too.  I remember we went car shopping and the guy at the dealership asked him to sign a paper saying that the initial price that was discussed was X dollars.  When they do that it's really for your benefit because it keeps the guy from being a shyster.....in that way they have others, but at least when they quote you a starting price of 10K say and you sign it and they sign it, then they can't come back and say "I never said that price....".   This former friend about lost it.  He stood up saying "I'm not signing shit...what the Hell is this...you ain't pulling a fast one on me...I'm in sales and I know all the tricks...."  The dealer got up to talk to his manager and this former friend looked at me as I was shaking my head.  He said "What?"  I replied "You are an ass.  The guy is doing that for your protection and you lose it and act like a dick.  You are the worst customer ever."  He was too.  He would order something, then after they had left to put in the order, he'd change his mind and when the waitress was less than enthused would get pissed off.  I guess he didn't realize that he had just wasted food and potentially lost the restaurant money.  I hate these wishy washy folks.  Once the Order is in, its in...too late pal wait until next time to change your mind.   I wish TV would stop making a big deal out of nothing people.  Sorry, these folks don't entertain me nor do they add anything to the world or life in general.   These people take and suck the life out of everything but don't give back.  Put 'em on an island somewhere where they can be impressive to each other because frankly, I'm not impressed. 
 
 

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