There are levels to being an AW. There are the showing off levels straight up to the Going on a killing spree because I want to be famous levels. Let's examine them shall we.
Level One: Show off. We've all been an AW at this level at least once or twice in our lives, it's human nature. We've all been there when the TV crew pulls up and the cameras are rolling and you see the Journalist talking into a microphone with the camera on her/him and you see some goofball behind the reporter jumping up and down and waving his hands because there's a camera pointed at them. Or the little kid who sings and dances when the adults are all gathered around sitting down after a Holiday dinner, these are examples of minor level AWness.
Level Two: Stupid Human Tricks. These are acts that are usually proceeded by the statements "Hey Y'all watch this." or "Hey hold my beer". You've seen these dumbasses on those video shows...adults jumping on trampolines for their kids and falling on their asses, through windows, etc. Or morons just doing stupid crap that is completely unplanned and either ending up with a Darwin Award (for removing themselves from the Gene Pool) or getting an Honorable Mention (injured, but didn't quite take themselves out). This kind of AW is usually drunk or high, Male and between the ages of 15-23.
Level Three: Dance/Cheer Moms and Sports Dads. You've all seen these ones. These are the Dads at your kids soccer/baseball/football/basketball games who yell at their kids for making mistakes, yell at the umps, threaten the umps, physically abuse the umps and generally make a loud, assholic, public spectacle of themselves. These Jackholes are ex-Jocks who have yet to come to terms with the fact that being popular in High School usually doesn't translate to being Popular in the Real World and have crappy jobs and two mortgages and a shitty marriage (usually to the Cheer/Dance Mom). These Asshats are pissed because they never made it pro as an athelete. They were the Shit in High School, but not so great in college and either ended up injured or cut from the team because they weren't as great as they thought they'd be. These Fubars are jealous because the Geeks they gave wedgies to are all High Tech millionaires and Jock boy lives in the crappy section of the Burbs. Steroid boy lives vicariously through his "Boy" and was so proud when his breeding partner threw a male instead of a female (and he will usually have multiple kids because he kept trying until he got a male). These Jackholes crave attention but have to get it through their offspring's efforts. Dance/Cheer Moms are the same. The former Cheerleader or Beauty Pageant Winner who forces their little girl into these inane competitions against their will. You can usually find them getting their 5 year olds a facial and buying their teen daughters new breasts. Yes these harpies have fought Father Time tooth and nail and are losing the battle fast so they relive their youth and beauty through their Daughters. Celebrity examples of this are Joe Simpson and Dinnah Lohan, both Parent of the Year candidates.
Level 4: Narcissistic Douchebags. These are the assholes that refer to themselves in the third person. The one's that think they are successful because they bullied everyone in their path. There are these three guys in their 20's on this HGTV show who sell Real Estate....the tagline is they are the Millionaire Bad Boys. I watched 5 minutes of this one Douche the other day flipping channels. He has the Ceasar Hair that seems to be all the rage with the 20 something dudes, goofy ass clothes (he was dressed more like he was going to a club than he was dressed like a serious Realtor running an Open House) and refers to himself in the third Person....example : This house needs a touch of The Chad...The Chad is happy he is having an Open House....WTF?? He went through a really nice Manhattan Condo refluffing pillows, turned down the bed....I'm sorry, but I thought a big selling point of houses was when you had the beds MADE so the rooms looked neat? I guess The Chad was going for the just got off my boyfriend look (yes he looks and acts quite gay but yet would be the first to not admit it to himself or anyone else...coward.) I had to change the channel, I was going to be nauseous. There's this other Real Estate show on the same channel called "The Property Shop". I features a curly haired (almost a 'fro), blonde who is an absolute BITCH. She's going to have an annurism by the time she's 40 if she doesn't rein it in. She rags her Clients to death, she bitches at them, yells at them, talks down to them and she never stops working. These so-called Hip Hop Moguls are the same way. Kanye West, Douche extraordanaire and his little awards show stunt. Now we have Sean Combs who displays all the symptoms of an AW, he's a Douche, he's a show off, he's narcissitic and he refers to Himself in the third person. His latest example of AWness was at the taping of a BET show. He came into the studio throwing handfuls of cash....this is Rapper for "I'm so rich I can just throw money away".....and in the process of "making it rain" he lost one of his rings. Now if you are so rich you can just throw money away, then you wouldn't give a damn about the ring. Oh no.....Combs had the studio locked down and everyone frisked. If I was in that audience, I'd be getting paid big time right now. Then we have the "anything for a buck" folks. The one's that plan elaborate hoaxes for the publicity and hopefully monetary gain....it's mostly for the publicity. Remember the Wendy's Chili incident? This stupid cow in San Jose claims she found a finger tip in her Chili. When the news went to interview her she had her daughter with her, arm in a sling, saying that the cops did that to her kid when they knocked her down executing a search of the premises. She and Her husband claimed they were victims, etc etc.....it was front page news for months until the Police and FBI finished their investigation. To this day Husband and Wife are rotting in jail for extortion and fraud. Which takes us to the most recent AW, the Jackass who's kid was supposedly caught in a balloon. This huge metallic balloon launches from this guys backyard and there's news choppers, National Guard Choppers, cops, etc all tracking this balloon and trying to get it down to save this poor six year old boy trapped in it. When it finally landed and they saw no kid, they frantically searched and searched for this missing and presumed dead boy. He was hiding at home the whole time. So they say. On a CNN interview the other day the little boy was questioned as to why he was hiding and not answering anyone's calls and he turned to his Dad and said "Dad said it was all part of the show." The Dad glared at him and the boy turned to Dad and said "But I thought you said it was all part of our TV Show Dad?" Further investigation revealed that this Monkey had been on Wife Swap before and has been trying to pitch a Reality Show about he and his Wife and Kids but was turned down. It was also discovered that he called the FAA and News Channels first before calling 911 and has just been determined today to be an elaborate hoax.
Level 5: Serial Killers/Home Grown Terrorists. Believe it or not, these guys are Attention Whores too.
That's it on AW's (I think I've given them more attention than they deserve), so now you know what to watch out for.
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