That's So Tennessee

http://ifbrevityiswitthenwhydoikeep.blogspot.com/2008/07/thats-so-o-o-o-o-bay-area.html

Inspired by the Professor's entry above and suggested by the Supergoober...here goes.

1. You have Confederate Flag on your vehicle/business/house but say it had nothing to do with Racism but that it's "Heritage not Hate". Yeah right. The fact you have to quantify that means you really aren't sure. Besides, you lost the war!!! So I guess your "heritage" is being a loser. Something I'd be proud of.

2. You enter on to a freeway....I mean Interstate.....are ahead of someone but slow down because you realize you're not being polite. Or, someone wants to change lanes so you come to an almost complete stop ON THE FREEWAY to let them over. Or your light is green, but you stop to let the two HUGE semi's out of the parking lot because you believe in "Southern Hospitality"......I'll give you some Bay Area hospitality in the form of Road Rage in a minute....

3. You go to Church, but you're not really sure why you go....it's really because you feel ashamed if you don't because "all your neighbors" do. You can't pay other bills, but you never forget your monthly Tithe to the church. You believe that Jesus said "Love thy neighbor" but think that being a "faggot" is a "condition" that can be cured by prayer and if the "faggot" refuses to be cured by prayer then he can just go rot in Hell because he's EVIL.......but you still believe in "love thy neighbor". I guess there are certain conditions for that love.

4. You won't vote for Obama because he's one of the following:
a. Black (but you won't admit that in polite company)
b. A Socialist/Communist
c. He's a Democrat therefore a bleeding heart liberal who will raise every tax possible and make a bigger welfare state (of course you haven't read any of his stands on any issues, he's an elitist black, Democrat so he's going to screw us over...)
d. His middle name is Hussein so he's a Muslim waiting to take over the country.
e. He may be Christian, but that damn n***er's Priest is racist. It's okay to use that word because "they" use it....
f. He's a Yankee (this guy probably is the guy in number one with the flag).

5. You paint/or own something in UT Orange. (My neighbor has a UT mailbox, a Captain's Bell that was a really nice chrome now painted UT Orange and has an Orange Tabby cat named, you guessed it, UT).

6. You know the words to Rocky Top and get all excited when it's played. (My Wife and Step-Daughter actually scared me when it was played at Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede and stood up clapping an singing the song. It's apparently the State song (actually there's about 6 State songs). Curiously I don't ever remember the California State song at all....).

7. When, in conversation, you are describing or telling someone you are about to do something you say "I'm fixing to _____ " fill in the blank. I haven't picked this up yet, and doubt I will (40 years in the Bay Area has imprinted certain words, etc on my brain.)

8. You say words differently than they are said in other parts of the Country. Examples:
Lafayette. I always knew it as La-feye-ett....in Tennessee it's pronounced La-fey-ett. Hey it's a French word so who knows. Trousdale is another. I always knew it as Trewsdale.....out here its trowsdale. Lebanon is the same. The Country is pronounced Le-ba-non...like it's spelled. Out here it's pronounced Le-ba-nin........I guess it's to differentiate it from the country.

9. You like your Iced Tea with about 5 pounds of sugar in it. And you don't call it Iced Tea you call it Sweet Tea (more like diabetic coma Tea.....it's too sweet for me).

10. You know what Ockra is and you eat it fried in cornmeal. Heck you eat just about any vegetable fried in cornmeal even green tomatoes (they're actually not bad).

11. You eat grits and like them (actually I do and I do.....it's just like cream of wheat).

12. You wear RealTree camo as everyday wear..either in the form of a ball cap, jacket, pants, shirt, seat covers in your truck or all of the above.

13. You have a carry permit as does about a dozen other people you know. (apparently they are easy to get....have to look into this one possibly).

14. You go to the WalMart the next City over because the two in your town don't have "much of a selection". (Yes, these things are like weeds, they are everywhere).

15. You get excited buying a 100 dollars worth of groceries because you know when you fill up at Kroger gas it will be 10 cents off a gallon.

16. You buy groceries first because you know you are about to go over the 100 dollar mark then you get gas at Kroger Gas.

17. You don't pay for garbage service because the County Dump is nearby and its free.....(I'm guilty of this...but hey why pay someone when I can take a carload to the dump and separate recyclables and put them in their place instead of just one lump in the land fill.)

18. You think that Sweet and Sour Pork should have the sauce on the side. You think that any of the "order at the Counter" Chinese hole's in the wall places are "good". You think the PF Chang's and Fu Lins are "uppity Oriental Restaurants". You still use the term Oriental.

19. If you are from Western Tennessee...ie Memphis, then any other Barbecue (even if it's nationally acclaimed and has won numerous awards) sucks if it's not Memphis barbecue (even if the chef is originally from Memphis but moves to Nashville or Knoxville....apparently without the stench of the Mississippi tainting it it doesn't taste good....)

20. You're a Titan's fan but UT is still number one.

21. You've played mini-golf at one of the 5 billion golf courses in the Smokies...Pigeon Forge, Sevierville or Gatlinburg (just this side of the Tennessee/North Carolina border....talking way Eastern Tennessee).

22. You remember when the OpryLand Hotel used to be an amusement park called OpryLand and it was great and you are still pissed they tore it down and made that stupid Hotel and Ginormous Opry Mills Mall (The Discourser knows the Mall, he's been there).

23. You have an FFA Chapter in your High School.....and your City still brags about your High School team being "State Champs" about a billion years ago.

24. You've had the 3.95 lunch special at Demo's Italian Restaurant.

25. You've eaten at a Shoney's buffet for either Breakfast, lunch or dinner.

26. You shop at Cracker Barrel for Christmas gifts...after you've eaten breakfast/lunch/dinner first. You've also played checkers while sitting in rocking chairs on the Cracker Barrel front porch while waiting for your table.

27. You own a Cracker Barrel checkers rug (basically a big woven mat with a checker board on it and plastic pieces the size of tuna cans.)

28. You've been to Kentucky and Alabama and back that same day. (I was in Kentucky Saturday....)

29. You've heard about the Chattanooga Choo Choo, you've seen it, and you were highly disappointed because it's really lame.

30. You know at least 6 musicians/bands and have their CD's (you should hear my neighbor's...she's pretty good).

31. Half of those are "Christian" acts who's songs aren't really Christian, and you know for a fact that they did that because it's an easy way to get a recording contract...ahem the band Red.....

32. You know that the Bicentenial Mall doesn't have any stores in it. (it's a historical park in Nashville).

33. You've been inside the Parthenon, been to Sparta but have never been to Greece.

34. When driving, you stay in a block of traffic behind two Semi's because you "don't trust those guys". Then get annoyed when a Silver Scion XA comes zipping around you and has to change lanes a few hundred times just to get ahead of the rolling roadblock so the driver of said Scion can go the freaking speed limit!!!!! (who could that be?????)

35. To get somewhere you take about 12 or so backstreets instead of the Interstate.....it's definitely not a freeway culture out here.....something I don't think I will get used to.

36. You think it's okay to have a prayer circle outside your child's school and your "Christian Fellowship" church meets at the school on Wednesday and Sunday...oh and you keep your little signs up even during school hours..........

37. You go to Church on Wednesday night.

38. The retail establishment you work for is owned by Christians so they are closed on Sunday. (Hobby Lobby and Chik-fil-a).

39. You've shopped at Hobby Lobby or eaten at Chik-fil-a.

40. You think Fazzoli's and CiCi's Pizza are "real italian" food......

41. You've run into about a dozen Country Music Artists and they are really nice people....(of course unless they are Charlie Daniels, Garth Brooks, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw or Kenny Chesney I'd have no fricking clue who they were.......we all know who the others are because we've seen them on TV so often.)

42. You've eaten Chess Pie....and you know what it is and how to make it.

43. You insist on gravy at breakfast.....have to dip those biscuits in it...(yes it's damn good too).

44. You realize that Hardee's and Carl's Jr. may be owned by the same company, but they are worlds apart as far as the burgers/food you can order from them. Hardee's=ultra greasy and messy. Carl's Jr.=Really tasty. I miss Carl's Jr.

45. You've eaten at a Captain D's fish restaurant.

46. You've been to a Friday Night Fish Fry......usually it was Fried Catfish being served to.

47. You've been to Legends in Nashville (the club where a lot of Country acts get their start).

48. You've eaten at Jack's Barbecue. (the brisket is amazing!!!).

49. You know that the Somnet Center used to be called the GEC (Gaylord Entertainment Center).

50. You know that Rockettown is a safe place to drop your Teen off at because it's owned by Michael W. Smith who is a Christian artist. (I still worry because I've heard the tales from the Prof, Discourser, et all about "Catholic" school boys and how crazy they are.....pure as the driven slush).

51. You wouldn't vote for Harold Ford Jr. for Congress, even though you know Bob Corker has done nothing for us, just because his first name is Harold and his last name is Ford and he's from THAT Ford Family in Memphis. (his Father, Uncle and Aunt have all been accused of being corrupt.....his Uncle was caught on tape in a bribery sting that happened a few years ago).

52. You hear about Public Transit and how it's a great way to save gas, but you don't work anywhere near downtown so know that it's all BS and you drive anyway. (It's like taking Bart and working at say Oracle. Bart to Millbrae, CalTrain from Millbrae to San Carlos/Belmont station...then walk.....which takes about 3-4 hours or you can drive it in 1.5......).

I think that's enough for now.