This is one part observation and one part rant. Those that know me, know I like to people watch. It's an interesting way to get a glimpse of the way people present themselves to the world in general. On TV you see all kinds of examples. Local merchants who do their own commercials are the best ones for finding unique and humorous things to observe. Take the Nashville Dodge/Nissan commercials. They have this blonde, model named Jolene who does their commercials. She's always dressed nicely in a business suit, but she does the funniest things, and they aren't meant to be funny. Somewhere she went to Spokesmodel school and it shows. She does three hand gestures throughout the entire commercial and they all look too rehearsed and not even remotely natural. And they seem to be done in a certain order. Hands together, fingers intertwined then she goes to hands in front of her spread apart, then it's one hand down one arm bent slightly with her index finger pointing and emphasizing whatever it is she is saying at that point. Or there's this Larry Stovesand guy...he owns a Lincoln/Mercury dealership. He's an older man, that seems to always wear a sweater vest and comes out walking around a car on his lot talking about it real fast.....but what's funny is Larry seems to have no clue about any of the technology that goes into his Ford/Lincoln/Mercury vehicles. His commercials have statements like the following in them: "It has the Sync, whatever that is...it's got everything" or "It's got auto windows, locks and the trunks go up and down by themselves, it's got the Bluetooth..ummm it's loaded..." Look Dude, if you are selling vehicles, new vehicles, then know what the Hell is in them and what it does okay?
Now back on Topic. What is cool? I remember back in school we defined cool based on the group you hung with. I was never cool because I hung with band geeks....although in that circle I was kind of cool because I was a drummer....and we were the bad boys of the band; at least the trouble makers if not the bad boys. If you were one of the Highriders or Stoner types, you were cool if you wore any of the following: A black leather vest, combat boots w/steel toes, a Derby Jacket (I had one of these) or an untucked, unbuttoned flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up worn over a rock t-shirt of some kind...or any kind of cool t-shirt. You also listened to Rock music. I aspired to be a Highrider, but didn't like vests, Mom wouldn't buy me a pair of combat boots (they were like 65 bucks...I got the 25 dollar hiking boots instead) and I didn't have a cool muscle car all jacked up in the back, nor did I smoke dope or cigarettes. I knew folks in this group but was a peripheral member. If you were a Lowrider, you had to be Latino of some kind (not necessarily Mexican but from a Spanish speaking Country), had to wear a flannel shirt but only buttoned at the top button, and the sleeves had to be buttoned too. Under that you wore a Wife-Beater t-shirt (you know the tank top kind). You also had to have your hair slicked back and held in place with either a hair net (still not sure why they did this) or a bandana. Oh, and the bandana had to be partially over your eyes so you had to tilt your head back to see. Oh, and you had to talk with an over-exaggerated Latino accent and say things like "yo holmes" or "eh esse"....I never aspired to be part of that crowd, but I knew members of that crowd....and they were all American born and didn't have accents until they proclaimed themselves Cholos or Lowriders then all of a sudden, instant Latino accent. Then there was the Jocks. To be part of that crowd you had to like sports, be involved in sports, and be a complete ass to everyone who wasn't in sports with you. These were the dillweeds that threw you in the garbage can as a Freshman, pantsed you, and basically picked on you if you weren't one of them. I know, some of these clowns never grew up. Most of these guys now have crappy jobs because they pissed that sports scholarship away at College by drinking way too much and failing school, crappy marriages because they only married for looks and when they got middle age and fat and bald the cheerleader left them, and they are alcoholics because something is needed to dull the pain of the real world not being like highschool. Their bitter tears of agony are like sweet wine to me.....remember what Bill Gates said "you should be nice to the Nerds and Geeks because one day you may need a job and they will be running the Corporations of the Future". The last group was the Preppys. If it was a polo shirt and had an alligator on it, they wore it. Sometimes they wore two polos and had one collar popped....God that looks soooooo stupid. They'd wear Top Siders and have a sweater slung over the back of their shoulders and tied around their neck. They were insufferable jerks then, and most of them are insufferable jerks now. These are the "entitled" folks who think it's all about them.
I look back on all these types of cool and laugh. I mean, if you think about it, we all looked stupid. Yes I wear polos to work now, they are casual enough but not too casual that you don't look professional at work. I still sometimes wear the untucked, unbuttoned flannel shirt over a T-Shirt....it's comfortable and when you are running errands on a Saturday that's what you want; comfortable. To me, cool doesn't matter anymore. I'm a 44 year old married guy, I don't need to be "cool". I have nice clothes I put on when my Wife and I go someplace special, but I honestly buy for comfort or work now. I've never understood "fashion" nor do I care too. I've noticed some new trends in "cool" in the last several years that I must address for they, like our attitudes of "cool", look absolutely stupid.
1. Leaning when driving. Have you seen these guys? And trust me, it's always a guy. So I got behind this monkey going home yesterday. He was driving slow...then fast, slow, then fast. He kept adjusting his lean, I guess he needed to get it right, constantly. What I mean by lean is these clowns don't sit upright in their drivers seats. No, the have to lean towards the passenger seat while leaving their left hand on the steering wheel. This clown kept adjusting his lean which was causing the slow fast driving pace. If you do this and are reading this I have just one statement to make: You don't look cool doing this, you look stupid.
2. Driving slumped down in the car so low that all anyone can see is your head. These clowns wonder why the Po Po is always pulling them over. Gee, might as well mount a big sign saying "Suspicious" on the car.
3. Wearing the ball cap sideways. Why? It can't be comfortable and it makes you look like you can't dress yourself properly. You are not cool.
4. The falling down pants syndrome. We loved jeans in school and we liked them to stay up. So much so that we bought these strips of leather called BELTS and even got belts with a snap on them so you could change out the belt buckle (they had some badass belt buckles back in my day.....you know the space tape rock band ones.....I still have a Van Halen belt buckle somewhere). Apparently some of these kids think that your pants falling down and your underwear showing is cool. No, you look like you were dressed by a blind retard. I know that was cruel...the blind retard part.....but it serves as a good description. This is not cool, you look really stupid.
5. The Goth Kid. Oh Lord help us and save us from the bitter, moody teenager. These ones like to dress like they come out of a Tim Burton movie or like Tim Burton himself. Black hair, black nail polish (guys and girls), black eyeliner (again boys and girls), enough metal stuck in their face and bodies to set off a security detector at the airport. Teens are moody in general, these kids take it to the extreme. Guess what vampire boy, life sucks. You don't know suffering and pain...you only think you do. Try being married to my Ex-Wife. Oh wait, that's misery you might like. By the way, Goth Kid, you don't look cool.
6. The Jock Kid. Not much has changed here. The only exception is that junior may be on roids to amp up his game. You will still grow up to be a Manager at a Fast Food restaurant, still get fat and bald, still be an alchy and still have a crappy marriage. You were never cool, nor will you ever be.
7. The Redneck Kid. Out here this kid is the next right wing conservative to drive a pickup with a gun rack and wear Realtree Camo to formal events. These kids have a confederate flag on their pickups and a sticker that says "It's heritage, not hate".......sure it is. Definitely not cool, and will most likely live in a trailer somewhere.
These are the kids....now onto the adults:
8. The Prada Queen. She's botoxed, lifted, enhanced and wears enough makeup to choke a horse. She shops at stores where crap is way overpriced just to say that she did. She worships at the church of Name Brands and Labels and will kill for the latest and greatest ones. She is high maintenance and shallow and it's all about her. Definitely not cool; just annoying.
9. The Golf Pro Wannabe. He is in business so he HAS to golf. He has embraced it wholeheartedly, it's in his blood. He looks for any excuse to play, and he's really not that good. Oh, he will buy every gadget known to man to help him improve his swing but he will never use them. You are not cool. Tiger Woods=Cool. You=Not Cool.
10. Mr.. Keeping up with the Joneses. Oh yeah, if everyone else has one, so will he. The early adopter, buys the first version which ends up being obsolete in a few years, but hey he had to have the first one. No one is impressed, but you.
Now for what is cool, at least to me:
The Parents who do whatever they can to make their children happy, within reason. I'm not talking about buying Junior everything he wants, but encouraging Junior to do his/her best in whatever they want to get in. These folks are cool.
The Cops (The Warden fits in here) and Firefighters who aren't slackers and take their jobs seriously and put it all on the line. Those folks are cool.
The Teachers/Principals (Discourser is one of these, the Prof is another) who actually give a shit about the kids under their supervision and actually try and keep those kids on track. Those folks are cool.
Honor, Integrity, Selflessness......these are cool concepts to me.
Your pants falling down around your ankles and your boxers showing???? Not so much.
1 comment:
Love it bro!
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